Day Nineteen: "Love is Impossible"

Let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. 

–I John 4:7

The Love Dare starts with a secret. And though it’s been an unspoken element throughout each day, you’ve likely grown more and more suspicious of it all the time. Now that you’re this far, it’s a secret you’re discovering for yourself, even if you haven’t exactly known how to put it into words.

The secret is this: you cannot manufacture unconditional love (or agape love) out of your own heart. It’s impossible. It’s beyond your capabilities. It’s beyond all our capabilities.
You may have demonstrated kindness and unselfishness in some form, and you may have learned to be more thoughtful and considerate. But sincerely loving someone unselfishly and unconditionally is another matter altogether.

So how can you do it? Like it or not, agape love isn’t something you can do. It’s something only God can do. But because of His great love for you—and His love for your spouse—He chooses to express His love through you.

Still, you may not believe that. You may be convinced that with enough hard work and commitment, you can muster up unconditional, long-term, sacrificial love from your own heart. You want to believe it’s in you. But how many times has your love failed to keep you from lying, from lusting, from overreacting, from thinking evil of this person you’ve vowed before God to love for the rest of your life.

How many times has your love proven incapable of controlling your anger? How many times has your love motivated you to forgive or brought about a peaceable end to an ongoing argument? It’s this failure that exposes mankind’s sinful condition. 

You can’t give what you don’t have. You can’t call up inner reserves and resources that aren’t there to be summoned. In the same way that you can’t give away a million dollars if you don’t have it to start with, you cannot pay out love in greater measure than you own. You can try, but you will fail.You need someone who can give you that kind of love.

When you surrender yourself to Christ, His power can work through you. Even at your very best, you are not able to live up to God’s standards. But He “is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us” (Ephesians 3:20). That’s how you love your spouse.

Perhaps you’re already a believer, but you would admit that you have walked away from fellowship with God. You’re not in the Word, you’re not in prayer, maybe you’re not even in church anymore. The love you used to feel coursing through your veins has dwindled into apathy.The truth is, you can’t live without Him and you can’t love without Him. But there is no telling what He could do in your marriage if you put your trust in Him.

The Dare: "Look back over the dares from the previous days. Were there some that seemed impossible to you? Have you realized your need for God to change your heart and to give you the ability to love? Ask Him to show you where you stand with Him, and ask for the strength and grace to settle your eternal destination. What do you believe God is saying to you? Is there a stirring in your heart? What decision have you made in response to this?"

The Outcome: ""Day Two and Counting..." was by far the toughest couple of days for me. I am a very, most times OVERLY opinionated person. To ask me to keep positive or say nothing at all is like asking me to sit in a pot of boiling water and not jump out. It's just not logical to me. Even though that dare was only for the day, I know the concept is supposed to be forever. I know it's in the best interest of my marriage to follow it. I also know, without God's inner voice telling me to 'Shut up!', I would screw up a lot more than I normally would. I am thankful for His presence in my life and my marriage. Do I always listen? No. Would it save me an argument or two if I DID listen? You bet. 

This day was interesting to me because it really makes you think about the days you've completed and how surface-based they were. Sure, I can fold some clothes or make a lunch for Nathan. I can definitely keep my mouth shut for a day. I can vow to fight by the rules. I can strive to not irritate him for 24 hours. But can I keep that up for a lifetime? If I'm being honest, I'm going to say no. I can't keep all these rules and guidelines every second of my day. I'm not going to feel like making his lunch every day of the week. 

It's the same with God. I can't live up to his standard of "good." I can't go my whole life and not slip up. That's where grace comes in:

G.od's 

R.iches 

A.t 

C.hrist's 

E.xpense

Because Jesus died on the cross for me, I now have God's power in my hands. I now have the choice to tap in to his resources for love. I can finally love Nathan the way I'm supposed to...if I daily yield myself, and my stubborn will to him.