"How blessed is the man who finds wisdom, and the man who gains understanding."
– Proverbs 3:13
"When a man is trying to win the heart of a woman, he studies her. He learns her likes, dislikes, habits, and hobbies. But after he wins her heart and marries her, he often stops learning about her. The mystery and challenge of knowing her seems less intriguing, and he finds his interests drifting to other areas.
This is also true in many cases for women, who start off admiring and building respect for the man they desire to be with. But after marriage, those feelings begin to fade as reality reveals that her “prince” is a flawed and imperfect man.
Yet there are still hidden things to discover about your spouse. And this understanding will help draw you closer together. It can even give you favor in the eyes of your mate. “Good understanding produces favor” (Proverbs 13:15).
Consider the following perspective: if the amount you studied your spouse before marriage were equal to a high school diploma, then you should continue to learn about your mate until you gain a “college degree,” a “master’s degree,” and ultimately a “doctorate degree.” Think of it as a lifelong journey that draws your heart ever closer to your mate.
Some of the problems you have in relating to your spouse are simply because you don’t understand them. They probably react very differently to certain situations than you do, and you can’t figure out why?
These differences – even the ones that are relatively insignificant – can be the cause of many fights and conflicts in your marriage. That’s because, as the Bible says, we tend to “revile” those things we don’t understand (Jude 10).
There are reasons for his or her tastes and preferences. Each nuance in your spouse’s character has a back story. Each element of who he is, how he thinks, and what he’s like is couched in a set of guiding principles, which often makes sense only to the person who holds them. But it’s worth the time it will take to study why they are the way they are.
If you missed the level of intimacy you once shared with your spouse, one of the best ways to unlock their heart again is by making a commitment to know them. Study them. Read them like a book you’re trying to understand."
The Dare: "Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the two of you. The dinner can be as nice as you prefer. Focus this time on getting to know your spouse better, perhaps in areas you’ve rarely talked about. Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your mate."
The Outcome: I struggled with this dare. We couldn't exactly have a "just the two of you" dinner on a weeknight when we have our son. I debated whether to hold this dare until the weekend where we could be alone, or include Owen because he is a part of us. I decided to include the little munchkin and I'm glad I did. He helped me get the table ready with candles and thought Daddy would very much enjoy our Perry the Platypus-carved pumpkin as the centerpiece. Why not?! We got the table set and decided to call in Nathan's favorite meal: Japanese. He could be in the worst mood ever but you throw some fried rice and white sauce his way, he's all smiles.
We go out, pick up the food and rush home before Nathan gets there. I get the plates all ready, complete with Nate's mound of fried rice swimming in white sauce, and a nice cold Coors Light (his ultimate "unwind" meal)...complete with disposable plates. Owen decides this should be a surprise so we hide behind the counter when we hear the garage door opening. As we are sitting, giggling at how surprised Daddy will be, Owen says, "Mommy, since we have candles we should sing 'Happy Birthday' to Daddy!" Once again, why not?! We already have Perry the Platypus joining us for dinner, what's a little birthday jingle going to hurt? Daddy walks in and is so surprised. We sing 'Happy Birthday', blow out the candles (duh...that's what you do at parties), and eat in the dark.
It was a perfectly imperfect dinner with our family...and I wouldn't have had it any other way.
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