Day 34: "Love Celebrates Godliness"

[Love] does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth.

 – 1 Corinthians 13:6

From the moment you close your Bible in the morning nearly everything else you’ll encounter throughout the day will be luring you away from its truths.  The opinions of your coworkers, the news coverage on television, your typical Websites, the various temptations of the day – all of these and more will be working overtime to shape your perceptions of what’s true and most desirable in life.

They’ll say that having a knockout wife who dresses to get other men’s attention is a good thing.  They say that bad language and immorality in the movies are fine for mature people.  They’ll say that church isn’t important in a person’s life.  They’ll say that we each must find God in our own way.

They’ll say a lot of things.  And they’ll say them so loudly and frequently that if we’re not careful, we can start believing that what they say is the way things should be.  We can begin valuing what everybody else values and thinking the way everybody else does.

But the meaning of “real life” changes dramatically when we understand that God’s Word is the ultimate expression of what real life is.  The teachings it contains are not just good guesses at what should matter.  They are principles that reflect the way things really are, the way God created life to be.  His ideals and instructions are the only pathways to real blessing, and when we see people following them in obedience to the Lord; it should cause us to rejoice.

You are one of the most influential people in your spouse’s life.  Have you been using your influence to lead them to honor God, or to dishonor Him?

Love rejoices most in the things that please God.  When your mate is growing in Christian character, persevering in faith, seeking purity, and embracing roles of giving and service – becoming spiritually responsible in your home – the Bible says we should be celebrating it. The word “rejoices” in 1 Corinthians 13:6 carries the idea of being absolutely thrilled, excitedly cheering them on for what they’re allowing God to accomplish in their lives.

The apostle John, who had walked closely with Jesus and became one of the main leaders in the early church, once wrote to his flock, “I have no greater joy than this, to hear of my children walking in the truth” (3 John 4).

That should be what energizes us when we see it happening in our mate.  More than when they save money on the grocery bill.  More than when they achieve success at work.  Sometimes by accepting modern culture’s take on what to applaud in our spouse, we can even be guilty of encouraging them to sin – perhaps by feeding their vanity, or by letting boys be boys.

But “love does not rejoice in unrighteousness” – not in ourselves and not in our mate.  Rather, love “rejoices with the truth,” the way Paul did when he said to the Roman church, “The report of your obedience has reached to all; therefore I am rejoicing over you, but I want you to be wise in what is good and innocent in what is evil” (Romans 16:19).  He knew that the pursuit of godliness, purity, and faithfulness was the only way for them to find joy and ultimate fulfillment.  Being “wise” about holiness while being “innocent” about sin – remaining unjaded and uncompromising as we travel through life – is the way to win in God’s eyes.

And what more could we want for our wife or husband than for them to experience God’s best in life?

Be happy for any success your spouse enjoys.  But save your heartiest congratulations for those times when they are honoring God with their worship and obedience.

The Dare:  "Find a specific, recent example when your spouse demonstrated Christian character in a noticeable way.  Verbally commend them for this at some point today."

The Outcome:  There are times when my husband doubts, as we all do. If he isn't careful in guarding his mind, he can fall into a false mindset. He will start to think the only reason I married him or want to be with him is because he is a Christian; if he for any reason was lacking in his faith, or Christian life, I would have no desire to stay. That couldn't be farther from the truth and you could see where if I had carried out this dare, it would've caused him unnecessary worry. So, I'm choosing to share with you the godly things I appreciate about him. Love knows what is best for your spouse, dare or no dare. 

I love that Nathan goes to church with us. He may not always go because he wants to. Sometimes he'd rather be at home watching a movie or doing nothing, but instead he chooses to support his family and go with us. I love my husband's singing voice. In fact, two days after I met him, and I heard his voice, I knew he was going to be my husband. It was mesmerizing. Almost like when he sang, it reached into my heart. He has a gift; to lead others straight into the presence of God. And although it is great to celebrate godliness, I want to celebrate his character as well. 



Integrity. Willingness. Concern. Supporting. Amazing Daddy. Loving Husband. Forgiving. These are the things I love most about him. Yes, his relationship with God is important. I love when our family can embrace the love and things of God together. But, our relationship is not, nor ever will be, dependent upon whether he is actively seeking God. That is between he and God. I know his heart. God knows his heart. And neither one of us would ever turn our backs on him. 

Thank you Lord for never giving up on us as a couple. Thank you for walking us through some of our darkest times. Thank you for never letting us go. 

Day 34: SUCCESS

6 days and counting...

Day 33: "Love Completes Each Other"

 If two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone?  

-- Ecclesiastes 4:11

God creates marriage by taking a man and a woman and uniting them as one.  And although love must be willing to act alone if necessary, it is always better when it is not just a solo performance.  Love can function on its own if there is no other way, but there is a “more excellent way” (1 Corinthians 12:31).  And love dares not to stop loving before it gets there.

This “completing” aspect of love was revealed to mankind from the beginning.  God originated the human race with male and a female – two similar but complementary designs meant to function in harmony.

Our bodies are made for each other.  Our natures and temperaments provide balance, enabling us to more effectively complete the tasks at hand.  Our oneness can produce children, and our teamwork can best raise them to health and maturity.  When one is weak, the other is strong.  When one needs building up, the other is equipped to enhance and encourage.  We multiply one another’s joys and divide one another’s sorrows.

The scriptures say, “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor.  For if either of them falls, the other one will lift up his companion.   But woe to the one who falls, the one will lift up his companion.  But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up”(Ecclesiastes 4:9, 10).  It’s like your two hands, which don’t just coexist together but multiply the effectiveness of the other. In order to do what they do, neither is quite complete without the other.

Although our difference can frequently be the source of the misunderstanding and conflict, they have been created by God and can be ongoing blessings if we respect them.

One of you may be better at cooking, for instance, while the other is more thorough in cleaning the dishes.  One may be more gentle and able to keep peace among family members, while the other handles discipline more directly and effectively.  One may have a good business head but needs the other to help him remember to be generous.

When we learn to accept these distinctions in our mate, we can bypass criticism and go straight to helping and appreciating one another.

But some can’t seem to get past their partners differences.  And they suffer many wasted opportunities as a result.  They don’t take advantage of the uniqueness that makes each of them more effective when including the other.

The effectiveness of your marriage is dependent upon both of you working together.  Do you have big decisions to make about your finances or retirement planning?  Are you having a real problem with a coworker who’s getting harder and harder to deal with, and you are grappling with the appropriate action to take?  Are you absolutely convinced that your educational choices for the children are right, no matter what your spouse thinks?

Don’t try doing all the analysis yourself.  Don’t disqualify his or her right to voice an opinion on matters that affect both of you.  Love realizes that God has put you together on purpose.  And though you may wind up disagreeing with your spouse’s perspectives, you should still give their views respect and strong consideration.  This honors God’s design for your relationship and guards the oneness He intends.

Joined together, you are greater than your independent parts. You need each other.  You complete each other.

  

The Dare:  "Recognize that your spouse is integral to your future success.  Let them know today that you desire to include them in your upcoming decisions, and that you need their perspective and counsel.  If you have ignored their input in the past, admit your oversight and ask them to forgive you."

The Outcome:  I am pleased to say that Nathan and I talk about everything. Sometimes probably too much because I catch him loosing focus quite often during my endless bantering. But our communication lines are wide open. There was a time in our marriage when we unknowingly closed them. When we stopped really caring what the other person felt. When we put our confidence and companionship in others instead of each other. 

Lack of communication is the beginning of problems. When my spouse doesn't know what's bothering me, how can he fix it? If I go to everyone else but him for advice, eventually he will feel he isn't adequate enough to help. Your spouse is there to make up for what you lack. That was God's original purpose and it still remains his focus today. If both of you have closed the means of communication, there is no other outlet to build your relationship upon. The longer you keep it up, the bigger the gap will become until you no longer see a purpose in being together. After all, it's not like your spouse is completing you in any way. You are living separate lives. No one is encouraging. No one is loving. No one is talking. That's when the big divorce question comes in. And because you've gotten so accustomed to not talking, you might not even talk about the decision to end your marriage. You just walk in one day and there the paperwork sits, nicely folded on the kitchen table. Then what? Try to make up for all the lost time and have a meaningful conversation? By then, it may be too late. 

Bridge the gap today. To open a line that has been closed takes effort. It takes determination. And it takes setting aside your pride. But the end result could make a difference in what happens to your marriage. At best, it will bring an aspect of oneness back into your lives that you may not even remember existed. But it's worth the effort to make your spouse number one in your life again. There is no comparison to the feeling that you are your spouse's most prized companion. 

Day 33: SUCCESS

7 days and counting...

Day 32: "Love Meets Sexual Needs"

The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 

– 1 Corinthians 7:3

Some people think the Bible has nothing good to say about sex, as though all God seems concerned about is telling us when not to do it and who not `and the blessing it can be for both husband and wife. Even its boundaries and restrictions are God’s ways of keeping our sexual experiences at a level far beyond any of those advertised on television or in the movies.

In Christian marriage, romance is meant to thrive and flourish.  After all, it was created by God.  It’s all part of celebrating what God has given, becoming one with our mate while simultaneously pursuing purity and holiness.  He delights in us when this happens.

The Song of Solomon, for example, though frequently misunderstood as nothing more than an allegory about God’s passion for His people, is actually a beautiful love story.  It describes sexual acts between a husband and wife in poetic detail, showing how each one responds to the other.  It expresses how honesty and understanding in sexual matters lead to a life of confident love together.

It’s true that sex is only one aspect of marriage.  But as time goes by, one of you will likely value its importance more highly than the other. As a result of this, the nature of your oneness as man and wife will feel threatened and endangered.

Again, the biblical foundations of marriage were originally expressed in the creation of Adam and Eve.  She was made to be “a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18).  The unity of their relationship and physical bodies was so strong, they were said to become “one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).

This same oneness is a hallmark of every marriage.  In the act of romance, we join our hearts to each other an expression of love that no other form of communication can match.  That’s why “the marriage bed is to be undefiled” (Hebrews 13:4).  We are not to share this same experience with anyone else.

But we are weak.  And when this legitimate need goes unmet – when it’s treated as being selfish and demanding by the other – our hearts are subject to being drawn away from marriage, tempted to fulfill this longing somewhere else, some other way.

To counteract this tendency, God established marriage with a “one flesh” mentality.  “The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does” (1 Corinthians 7:4).

Sex is not to be used as a bargaining chip.  It is not something God allows us to withhold without consequence.  Though there can be abuses to this divinely designed framework, the heart of marriage is one of giving ourselves to each other to meet the other’s needs.

Sex is one God-given opportunity to do that.

So “stop depriving one another,” the Bible warns, “except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of you lack of self-control” (1 Corinthians 7:5).

You are the one person called and designated by God to meet your spouse’s sexual needs.  If you allow distance to grow between you in this area, if you allow staleness to set in, you are taking something that rightly (and exclusively) belongs to your spouse.  If you let your mate know – by words, actions, or inactions – that sex needn’t be any more than you want it to be, you rob from them a sense of honor and endearment that has been set in place by biblical mandate. You violate the “one flesh” unity of marriage.

So whether you perceive yourself as being on the deprived end, or you would admit that you are the one depriving the other, know that God’s plan for you is to meet in the middle and come to a place of agreement. But also know that the path to getting there will not be accomplished by sulking, arguing or demanding.  Love is the only way to reestablish loving union between each other.  All the things the Love Dare entails – patience, kindness, selflessness, thoughtfulness, protection, honor, forgiveness – will play a role in renewing your sexual intimacy.  When the love of Christ is the foundation of your marriage, the strength of your friendship and sexual relationship can be enjoyed at a level this world can never know.

The Dare: "If at all possible, try to initiate sex with your husband or wife today. Do this in a way that honors what your spouse has told you (or implied to you) about what they need from you sexually.  Ask God to make this enjoyable for both of you as well as a path to greater intimacy."

The Outcome:  I am going to go out a limb here and say this is probably the "hottest" (literally and figuratively) topic on the menu when couples go into counseling. For us women, sometimes sex (or the lack thereof) can be a bargaining tool or a means of punishment. For men, sex can be a way of dominating or controlling their spouse. It seems rare these days for sex to be used in the way it was first intended: procreation and unity with your spouse. More than likely, our sexual dilemnas stem from our culture. Nudity can be found on your regularly scheduled T.V. show. Movies that would be rated "X" are down-graded to an "R" movie and shown in our everyday theaters. Body parts you thought would only be revealed in the bedroom are seen on the street on a daily basis. Pornography at one time was not available unless you went out in public to a store and risked your face being seen. Now it can be streamed live in your home at no cost. 

It is no surprise we tend to feel we can't live up to the expectations of our mate. Hollywood makes sex look so much more exciting and intoxicating than we feel we could ever engage in with our spouse of ten plus years. At the end of a day, my job as a mommy isn't over. I still have to cook dinner, give my son a bath, get him ready for bed, tuck him in, and don't forget to sing some songs, read some books, give kisses and say prayers. Then I can sit down and relax, right? Wrong. Now it's time to clean the house, take a shower, get my lunch ready for the next day and handle any loose ends I didn't finish during the day. Now, it's time to sit down. I'll be honest. When I sit down for sometimes the first time all day, sex is not the first thing on my mind. But, you better believe it's on my husband's mind. So, how can I cross that line? How can I show my spouse his needs are important to me when my emotions are telling me I just want to relax? I believe it starts in my heart.

Ever heard the saying, "If I bow down on my knees, maybe my heart will follow"? The Bible says our heart is deceitful above all things. If we aren't choosing to lead it, our emotions will. And those change by the minute based on our circumstances. The same goes with our relationship with God. We have to choose to lead our hearts to pray some days. There are times we have to remind our heart that God is there and He is for us, not against us. There are situations we will have to choose what we know is truth over our feelings at the time. The same is true in our sex lives. It's important for both of us to be sexually fulfilled. And there will be many times over the next 50 plus years we have left together, that we will have to make a choice to lead our hearts into oneness. If not, we will unknowingly lead them into temptation.

DAY 32:SUCCESS

8 days and counting...

Day 31: "Love and Marriage"

 A man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.

 – Genesis 2:24

This verse is God’s original blueprint for how marriage is supposed to work. It involves a tearing away and a knitting together.  It reconfigures existing relationships while establishing a brand new one.  Marriage changes everything.

That’s why couples who don’t take this “leaving” and “cleaving” message to heart will reap the consequences down the line, when the problems are much harder to repair without hurting someone.

“Leaving” means that you are breaking a natural tie.  Your parents step into the role of counselors to be respected, but can no longer tell you what to do.  Sometimes the difficulty in doing this comes from the original source.  A parent may not be ready to release you yet from their control and expectations.  Whether through unhealthy dependence or inner struggles over the empty nest, parents don’t always take their share of this responsibility.  In such cases, the grown child has to make “leaving” a courageous choice of his own.  And far too often, this break is not made in the right way.

Are you and your spouse still living with unresolved issues because of a failure to cut the apron strings?  Do either of your parents continue to create problems within your home – perhaps without their even knowing it?  What needs to happen to put a stop to this before it creates too wide of a division in your marriage?

Unity is a marriage quality to be guarded at a great cost.  The purpose of “leaving,” of course, is not to abandon all contact with the past but rather to preserve the unique oneness that marriage is designed to capture.  Only in oneness can you become all that God means for you to be.

If you’re too tightly drawn to your parents, the singular identity of your marriage will not be able to come to flower.  You will always be held back, and a root of division will continue to send up new shoots into your relationship.  It won’t go away unless you do something about it. For without “leaving,” you cannot do the “cleaving” you need, the joining of your hearts that’s required to experience oneness.

“Cleaving” carries the idea of catching someone by pursuit, clinging to them as your new rock of refuge and safety.  This man is now the spiritual leader of  your new home, tasked with the responsibility of loving  you “just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25).  This woman is now one in union with you, called to “see to it that she respects her husband” (Ephesians 5:33).

As a result of this essential process, you are now free to become everything God meant when He declared you “one flesh.”

·        You are able to achieve oneness in your decision making, even when you begin from differing viewpoints.

·        You are able to achieve oneness in your priorities, even through you’ve come together from backgrounds that could hardly be more different.

·        You are able to achieve oneness in your sexual affections toward each other, even if either of both of you have memories of impurity in your pre-marital past.

If this is not how things are going in your home right now, you’re unfortunately in the majority.  It’s not out of character for couples of all kinds – even Christian couples – to ignore God’s design for marriage, thinking they know better than He does.  Genesis 2:24 may have sounded nice and noble when it was wrapped around the sharing of vows at the wedding.  But as a fundamental principle to be put into place and practiced as a living fact – this just seems too difficult to do. But this is what you must make any sacrifice to reclaim.

It’s hard – extremely hard – when the pursuit of oneness is basically one-sided.  Your spouse may not be interested at all in recapturing the unity you had at first.  Even if there is some desire on his or her part, there may still be issues between you that are nowhere close to being resolved.

But if you’ll continue to keep a passion for oneness forefront in your mind and heart, your relationship over time will begin to reflect the inescapable “one flesh” design that is printed on its DNA.  You don’t have to go looking for it.  It’s already there.  But you don’t have to live it, or there’s nothing else to expect than disunity.

Leave.  And cleave.  And dare to walk as one.

The Dare:  "Is there a “leaving” issue you haven’t been brave enough to conquer yet?  Confess it to your spouse today, and resolve to make it right.  The oneness of your marriage is dependent upon it.  Follow this with a commitment to your spouse and to God to make your marriage the top priority over every other human relationship."

The Outcome: When I first read this "leave and cleave" subject, I thought, "Well, I know that I have done that. I handle my relationship fine without involving my parents. This dare doesn't apply to me at all." It's funny how when you hear something, your first reaction is to doubt the area of concern pertains to you. Upon finishing this chapter though, God was not going to let me get away that easy. 

If "to cleave" means to adhere firmly and closely or loyally and unwaveringly, that means I should be able to, without a doubt, support my husband in decisions, back him up, believe in him no matter what. Now, what happens if I have always had a surface relationship with my parents, one in which we try not to stir waters or engage in conversation that would make them uncomfortable? I not only would carry that into my marriage, and possibly handle my marriage in the same manner. But, I would also handle any instances that arise between my parents and my spouse the same way, with avoidance.

It's not something I do on purpose, out of spite towards my spouse, it's just the way I am used to conversing with my parents. Say, for instance, there is something that bothers my spouse to the point they are obviously and outwardly frustrated. Because of my inability to share openly with my parents, I choose to keep things quiet. My spouse is obviously hurting, wishing we could engage in conversation to smooth things out, but I am unwilling. After all, facing my parents would be uncomfortable for me. That says to my spouse, "I hear your pain. I see that you are hurting. But, I'm sorry. It's just too uncomfortable for me to bring up issues with my family." You probably wouldn't dare say that out in the open, but that is what you imply every time you refuse to help your spouse work through emotions they have. Your parents have just earned the right your spouse, and only your spouse should have: your complete determination and devotion to oneness.

It's time to show your spouse they are number one in your life again. You may have to agree to disagree on some things. You may have to face some uncomfortable situations. But your spouse, the one God has given to you for safe-keeping, needs to know you will bend over backwards to support them physically, mentally, and for women most importantly, emotionally. Cut the ties that hold you, and your spouse back, from truly becoming one. You have God's full support and ability on your side. 

Day 31: SUCCESS

9 days and counting...

Day 30: "Love Brings Unity"

Father, keep them in Your name, the name which You have given Me, that they may be one even as We are.

 – John 17:11

Unity. Togetherness. Oneness. 

These are the unshakable hallmarks of our God.From the very beginning of time, we see His unity at work through the Trinity – Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. God the Father is there, creating the heavens and the earth. The Spirit is “moving over the surface of the waters” (Genesis 1:2). And the Son, who is “the radiance of His glory and the exact representation of His nature” (Hebrews 1:3), joins in speaking the world into existence. “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness” (Genesis 1:26).

 All three are in perfect oneness of mind and purpose.

Father, Son, and Spirit are in pristine unity. 

 They serve each other, love each other, and honor each other. Though equal, they rejoice when the other is praised. Though distinct, they are one, indivisible. And because this relationship is so special – so representative of the vastness and grandeur of God – He has chosen to let us experience an aspect of it. In the unique relationship of husband and wife, two distinct individuals are spiritually united into “one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). And “what God has joined together, let man not separate” (Mark 10:9 NIV).In fact, this mystery is so compelling – and the love between husband and wife so intertwined and complete – that God uses the imagery of marriage to explain His love for the church.

The church (the bride) is most honored when her Savior is worshiped and celebrated. Christ (the bridegroom), who has given Himself up for her, is most honored when He sees her “as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless” (Ephesians 5:27 NIV). Both Christ and the church love and honor the other.

That’s the beauty of unity.

Husband – What would happen in your marriage if you devoted yourself to loving, honoring, and serving your wife in all things? What if you determined that the preservation of your oneness with this woman was worth every sacrifice and expression of love you could make? What would change in your home if you took that approach to your relationship on a daily basis?

Wife – What would happen if you made it your mission to do everything possible to promote togetherness of heart with your husband? What if every threat to your unity was treated as a poison, a cancer, an enemy to be eliminated by love, humility, and selflessness? What would your marriage become if you were never again willing to see your oneness torn apart?

The unity of the Trinity, as seen beyond the reaches of history past and continuing into the future, is evidence of the power of oneness. It is unbreakable. It is unending. And it is this same spiritual reality that disguises itself as your home and mailing address. Though painted in the colors of work schedules and doctor visits and trips to the grocery, oneness is the eternal thread that runs through the daily experience of what you call “your marriage,” giving it a purpose to be defended for life.

Therefore, love this one who is as much a part of your body as you are. Serve this one whose needs cannot be separated from your own. Honor this one who, when raised upon the pedestal of your love, raises you up too in the eyes of God, all at the same time.

The Dare: "Isolate one area of division in your marriage, and look on today as a fresh opportunity to pray about it. Ask the Lord to reveal anything in your own heart that is threatening oneness with your spouse. Pray that He would do the same for them. And if appropriate, discuss this matter openly, seeking God for unity."

The Outcome: We were created for relationship. To love and to feel loved back. God designed us to work that way. He crafted us to thrive the most in a loving setting. That's why it's so important to cultivate these qualities in this book. In order for us to feel truly loved, our spouse needs to feel it first. And in order for us to give it to them, we first must seek it from God. It's like a triangle. I'm in one corner, Nathan in the other, God at the top. If we are both focused on the top, we will naturally come together at the 

bottom.

 One area I know can create division sometimes is Facebook. My goal is to put it down, whether I hear the "ding" of a notification or not, and focus on Nathan when he gets home. I want him to know he has my attention. Your area of division may look a lot different. It may be a lot harder to deal with. A lot harder to give up. But remember, a house divided will not stand. If you want your marriage to stand the test of time, you've got to remove the divisions. 

Day 30: SUCCESS

10 days and counting...

Day 29: "Love's Motivation"

Render service with a good attitude, as to the Lord and not to men. 

 – Ephesians 6:7 HCSB

It doesn’t take much experience to discover that your mate will not always motivate your love. In fact, many times they will de-motivate it. More often than you’d like, it will seem difficult to find the inspiration to demonstrated your love. They may not even receive it when you try to express it. That’s simply the nature life, even in fairly healthy marriages.

But although moods and emotions can create all kinds of moving motivational targets, one is certain to stay in the same place, all the time. When God is your reason for loving, your ability to love is guaranteed.

That’s because love comes from Him.

Think of it like this. When you were a child, your parents certainly established rules for you to follow. Your bedtime was at a certain hour. Your room had to be kept mostly clean. Your schoolwork needed to be finished before you could go play. If you were like most people, you bent these rules as often as you obeyed them. And if not for the incentive of force and consequences, you might not have obeyed them at all.

But if you met Christ along the way or received any kind of Bible teaching, you probably were exposed to this idea – “Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord” (Colossians 3:20). If you took this to heart at all, you knew you didn’t merely have your parents to answer anymore. This was no longer a battle of wills between you and a flesh-and-blood authority figure. This was now between you and God. Your mom and dad were just the go-betweens.

As it turns out, however, the relationship between parents and children isn’t the only thing enhanced by letting God become your driving motivation. Consider the following areas where pleasing Him should become our goal:

Work. “Do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men” (Colossians 3:23).

Service. “Obey those who are your masters on earth, not with external service, as those who merely please men, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord” (Colossians 3:22).

Everything. “Work hard at “whatever you do … knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve” (Colossians 3:23-24).

Even marriage. “Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord” (Colossians 3:18). “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25).

The love that’s demanded from you in marriage is not dependent on your mate’s sweetness or suitability. The love between a husband and wife should have one chief objective: honoring the Lord with devotion and sincerity. The fact that it blesses our beloved in the process is simply a wonderful, additional benefit.

This change of focus and perspective is crucial for a Christian. Being able to wake up knowing that God is your source and supply – not just of your own needs but also those of your spouse – changes your whole reason for interacting with your mate.

No longer is it this imperfect person who decides how much love you’ll show, but rather it’s your omni-perfect God who can use even a flawed person like yourself to bestow loving favor on another.

Has your wife become fairly hard to live with lately? Is her slowness at getting over a disagreement wearing on your patience? Can she not just give it a rest? Don’t withhold your love just because she thinks differently from you. Love her “as to the Lord.”

Is your husband tuning you out, not saying much, apparently brooding over something he’s not interested in sharing? Do you feel hurt by his unwillingness to open up? Are you tired of him being so short with you, not even responding to the children the way he needs to? Don’t battle back with a double dose of silence and inattention. Love him anyway. “As to the Lord.”

Love motivated by mere duty cannot hold out for very long. And love that is only motivated by favorable conditions can never be assured of sufficient oxygen to keep it breathing. Only love that is lifted up as an offering to God – returned to Him in gratitude for all He’s done – is able to sustain itself when all other reasons have lost their ability to energize us.

Those who are fine with mediocre marriages can leave their love to chance and hope for the best. But if you are committed to giving your spouse the best. But if you are committed to giving your spouse the best love you possibly can, you need to shoot for love’s highest motivation. Love that has god as its primary focus is unlimited in the heights it can attain.

The Dare:  "Before you see your spouse again today, pray for them by name and for their needs. Whether it comes easy for you or not, say “I love you,” then express love to them in some tangible way. Go to God in prayers again, thanking Him for giving you the privilege of loving this one special person – unconditionally, the way He loves both of you."

The Outcome:  Nathan's biggest weakness is shopping for shoes. Gym shoes to be exact. Yesterday seemed to be perfect for a shopping day for all of us. I had some things in mind I needed/wanted. He had things in mind, well...just shoes. You would think this would be a fairly easy task, but with my analytical soulmate, shoe shopping is as difficult as it comes. He looks through hundreds of shoes and narrows it down to two and you think it's over. It has only just begun! He has to try walking, running, sitting, standing, skipping (well, maybe not that far) in both pairs of shoes to see their performance. Then, he has to use his phone to research the make of shoe and quality reviews. One shoe store could easily take us an hour, which usually ends with me in the car with Owen, refusing to endure another second of the agony. 

Then, I remembered my dare for the day. I could either blame my restlessness on Owen and head for the car to do something more motivating, or I could support his shoe fetish and help him make a decision. I decided on the latter. I helped him compare socks, talked him through the color choice and helped him look up reviews on certain brands. Almost an hour later, and lots of pleading with God (silently, of course) to keep my mouth shut, we were finished and could move on to the most important part of the day: clothes shopping. I was proud of my completed (and very difficult) dare and curious what Nathan had up his sleeve for the day. 

Every Tuesday and Thursday evening, I attend Bootcamp. It's my love/hate relationship with Sandman and the other 30 something people that crave punishment in the form of weights and cardio. I usually get home at 8:00 p.m. which doesn't leave much time to finish household chores that might not have gotten done. One of those chores I didn't get to yesterday was laundry. And lots of it. When I got home from Bootcamp, I noticed Owen was in the bathtub and Nathan was finishing folding his third load of laundry. What a sweetheart! 

Getting motivated to love is work. People make the mistake of getting married, then expecting it to be an everlasting honeymoon. They couldn't be farther from the truth. It is work. And lots of it. I believe that because marriage is the closest example to the way Christ loves His church, Satan has a mission to destroy it at all costs. I see this running rampant today throughout marriages. Affairs, abuse, control, bitterness. He will use anything he can to pull them apart. The closest blow he can give to God is to attack His Bride. It's time we start recognizing His schemes. Lack of motivation will easily turn to disinterest, which can quickly go towards searching for a new motivation, which might eventually lead to an affair. That's how Satan works: cunningly. Be on the lookout for things that are pulling you away. If you need some motivation, try taking the initiative. If you need a weekend trip away from the kids to rekindle your romance, do it for your marriage's sake! Let's make it our goal to disarm our enemy in order to arm our marriage. 

Day 29: SUCCESS

11 days and counting...