Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may prosper and be in good health, just as your soul prospers.
– 3 John 2
"You cannot change your spouse. As much as you may want to, you cannot play God and reach into their heart and mold them into what you want them to be. But that’s what most couples spend a large part of their time trying to do – change their spouse.
Insanity has been described as doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. But isn’t that what happens when you try to change your mate? It’s frustration at the highest level. At some point you have to accept that it’s not something you can do. But here’s what you can do. You can become a “wise farmer.”
A farmer cannot make a seed grow into a fruitful crop. He cannot argue, manipulate, or demand it to bear fruit. But he can plant the seed into fertile soil, give it water and nutrients, protect it from weeds, and then turn it over to God. Millions of farmers have made a livelihood from this process over the centuries. They know that not every seed sprouts. But most will grow when planted in proper soil and given what they need.
There is no guarantee that anything in this book will change your spouse. But that’s not what this book is about. It’s about daring to love. If you take the Love Dare seriously, there is a high likelihood that you will be personally changed from the inside out.
And if you carry out each dare, your spouse will likely be affected and your marriage will begin to bloom in front of your eyes. It may take weeks. It may even take years. But regardless of the soil you’re working with, you are to plan for success. You are to get weeds out of your marriage. You are to nurture the soil of your mate’s heart and then depend on God for the results."
The Dare: "Begin praying for your spouse’s heart. Pray for three specific areas where you desire for God to work in your spouse’s life and in your marriage."
Insanity has been described as doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. But isn’t that what happens when you try to change your mate? It’s frustration at the highest level. At some point you have to accept that it’s not something you can do. But here’s what you can do. You can become a “wise farmer.”
A farmer cannot make a seed grow into a fruitful crop. He cannot argue, manipulate, or demand it to bear fruit. But he can plant the seed into fertile soil, give it water and nutrients, protect it from weeds, and then turn it over to God. Millions of farmers have made a livelihood from this process over the centuries. They know that not every seed sprouts. But most will grow when planted in proper soil and given what they need.
There is no guarantee that anything in this book will change your spouse. But that’s not what this book is about. It’s about daring to love. If you take the Love Dare seriously, there is a high likelihood that you will be personally changed from the inside out.
And if you carry out each dare, your spouse will likely be affected and your marriage will begin to bloom in front of your eyes. It may take weeks. It may even take years. But regardless of the soil you’re working with, you are to plan for success. You are to get weeds out of your marriage. You are to nurture the soil of your mate’s heart and then depend on God for the results."
The Dare: "Begin praying for your spouse’s heart. Pray for three specific areas where you desire for God to work in your spouse’s life and in your marriage."
The Outcome: I have spent a lot of time on my knees (literally and figuratively) over the past couple of years. I have to be honest, if not for the hours I spent in prayer, I don't know Nathan and I would've made it through the hard times we faced back then. On the outside, some marriages seem to have it all together. It's usually the ones you least expect would have problems, that do. More often than not its the ones who portray everything is perfect in their little world that struggle the most.
That was us. We were struggling to stay above water. Not many people knew the issues we were struggling through. When the "fit hits the shan", and eventually it does, there will be quite a few shocked people. It's easier to be yourself than to put on a facade. It makes people feel comfortable knowing they aren't alone. It helps them work through their own issues when they know you've conquered the same ones. It makes others feel like less of a screw-up. And honestly,it gives them something to do. Something to pray about...or unfortunately, something to gossip about. What they do with your confession isn't up to you. If they choose not to forgive or accept you for who you are, flaws and all, that's their choice. Life is lived a lot easier when you take off the mask.
“There is a beautiful transparency to honest disciples who never wear a false face and do not pretend to be anything but who they are.”
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