If two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone?
-- Ecclesiastes 4:11
God creates marriage by taking a man and a woman and uniting them as one. And although love must be willing to act alone if necessary, it is always better when it is not just a solo performance. Love can function on its own if there is no other way, but there is a “more excellent way” (1 Corinthians 12:31). And love dares not to stop loving before it gets there.
This “completing” aspect of love was revealed to mankind from the beginning. God originated the human race with male and a female – two similar but complementary designs meant to function in harmony.
Our bodies are made for each other. Our natures and temperaments provide balance, enabling us to more effectively complete the tasks at hand. Our oneness can produce children, and our teamwork can best raise them to health and maturity. When one is weak, the other is strong. When one needs building up, the other is equipped to enhance and encourage. We multiply one another’s joys and divide one another’s sorrows.
The scriptures say, “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the other one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up”(Ecclesiastes 4:9, 10). It’s like your two hands, which don’t just coexist together but multiply the effectiveness of the other. In order to do what they do, neither is quite complete without the other.
Although our difference can frequently be the source of the misunderstanding and conflict, they have been created by God and can be ongoing blessings if we respect them.
One of you may be better at cooking, for instance, while the other is more thorough in cleaning the dishes. One may be more gentle and able to keep peace among family members, while the other handles discipline more directly and effectively. One may have a good business head but needs the other to help him remember to be generous.
When we learn to accept these distinctions in our mate, we can bypass criticism and go straight to helping and appreciating one another.
But some can’t seem to get past their partners differences. And they suffer many wasted opportunities as a result. They don’t take advantage of the uniqueness that makes each of them more effective when including the other.
The effectiveness of your marriage is dependent upon both of you working together. Do you have big decisions to make about your finances or retirement planning? Are you having a real problem with a coworker who’s getting harder and harder to deal with, and you are grappling with the appropriate action to take? Are you absolutely convinced that your educational choices for the children are right, no matter what your spouse thinks?
Don’t try doing all the analysis yourself. Don’t disqualify his or her right to voice an opinion on matters that affect both of you. Love realizes that God has put you together on purpose. And though you may wind up disagreeing with your spouse’s perspectives, you should still give their views respect and strong consideration. This honors God’s design for your relationship and guards the oneness He intends.
Joined together, you are greater than your independent parts. You need each other. You complete each other.
The Dare: "Recognize that your spouse is integral to your future success. Let them know today that you desire to include them in your upcoming decisions, and that you need their perspective and counsel. If you have ignored their input in the past, admit your oversight and ask them to forgive you."
The Outcome: I am pleased to say that Nathan and I talk about everything. Sometimes probably too much because I catch him loosing focus quite often during my endless bantering. But our communication lines are wide open. There was a time in our marriage when we unknowingly closed them. When we stopped really caring what the other person felt. When we put our confidence and companionship in others instead of each other.
Lack of communication is the beginning of problems. When my spouse doesn't know what's bothering me, how can he fix it? If I go to everyone else but him for advice, eventually he will feel he isn't adequate enough to help. Your spouse is there to make up for what you lack. That was God's original purpose and it still remains his focus today. If both of you have closed the means of communication, there is no other outlet to build your relationship upon. The longer you keep it up, the bigger the gap will become until you no longer see a purpose in being together. After all, it's not like your spouse is completing you in any way. You are living separate lives. No one is encouraging. No one is loving. No one is talking. That's when the big divorce question comes in. And because you've gotten so accustomed to not talking, you might not even talk about the decision to end your marriage. You just walk in one day and there the paperwork sits, nicely folded on the kitchen table. Then what? Try to make up for all the lost time and have a meaningful conversation? By then, it may be too late. Bridge the gap today. To open a line that has been closed takes effort. It takes determination. And it takes setting aside your pride. But the end result could make a difference in what happens to your marriage. At best, it will bring an aspect of oneness back into your lives that you may not even remember existed. But it's worth the effort to make your spouse number one in your life again. There is no comparison to the feeling that you are your spouse's most prized companion.
Day 33: SUCCESS
7 days and counting...
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