The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband.
– 1 Corinthians 7:3
Some people think the Bible has nothing good to say about sex, as though all God seems concerned about is telling us when not to do it and who not `and the blessing it can be for both husband and wife. Even its boundaries and restrictions are God’s ways of keeping our sexual experiences at a level far beyond any of those advertised on television or in the movies.
In Christian marriage, romance is meant to thrive and flourish. After all, it was created by God. It’s all part of celebrating what God has given, becoming one with our mate while simultaneously pursuing purity and holiness. He delights in us when this happens.
The Song of Solomon, for example, though frequently misunderstood as nothing more than an allegory about God’s passion for His people, is actually a beautiful love story. It describes sexual acts between a husband and wife in poetic detail, showing how each one responds to the other. It expresses how honesty and understanding in sexual matters lead to a life of confident love together.
It’s true that sex is only one aspect of marriage. But as time goes by, one of you will likely value its importance more highly than the other. As a result of this, the nature of your oneness as man and wife will feel threatened and endangered.
Again, the biblical foundations of marriage were originally expressed in the creation of Adam and Eve. She was made to be “a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18). The unity of their relationship and physical bodies was so strong, they were said to become “one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).This same oneness is a hallmark of every marriage. In the act of romance, we join our hearts to each other an expression of love that no other form of communication can match. That’s why “the marriage bed is to be undefiled” (Hebrews 13:4). We are not to share this same experience with anyone else.
But we are weak. And when this legitimate need goes unmet – when it’s treated as being selfish and demanding by the other – our hearts are subject to being drawn away from marriage, tempted to fulfill this longing somewhere else, some other way.
To counteract this tendency, God established marriage with a “one flesh” mentality. “The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does” (1 Corinthians 7:4).
Sex is not to be used as a bargaining chip. It is not something God allows us to withhold without consequence. Though there can be abuses to this divinely designed framework, the heart of marriage is one of giving ourselves to each other to meet the other’s needs.
Sex is one God-given opportunity to do that.
So “stop depriving one another,” the Bible warns, “except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of you lack of self-control” (1 Corinthians 7:5).
You are the one person called and designated by God to meet your spouse’s sexual needs. If you allow distance to grow between you in this area, if you allow staleness to set in, you are taking something that rightly (and exclusively) belongs to your spouse. If you let your mate know – by words, actions, or inactions – that sex needn’t be any more than you want it to be, you rob from them a sense of honor and endearment that has been set in place by biblical mandate. You violate the “one flesh” unity of marriage.
So whether you perceive yourself as being on the deprived end, or you would admit that you are the one depriving the other, know that God’s plan for you is to meet in the middle and come to a place of agreement. But also know that the path to getting there will not be accomplished by sulking, arguing or demanding. Love is the only way to reestablish loving union between each other. All the things the Love Dare entails – patience, kindness, selflessness, thoughtfulness, protection, honor, forgiveness – will play a role in renewing your sexual intimacy. When the love of Christ is the foundation of your marriage, the strength of your friendship and sexual relationship can be enjoyed at a level this world can never know.
The Dare: "If at all possible, try to initiate sex with your husband or wife today. Do this in a way that honors what your spouse has told you (or implied to you) about what they need from you sexually. Ask God to make this enjoyable for both of you as well as a path to greater intimacy."
The Outcome: I am going to go out a limb here and say this is probably the "hottest" (literally and figuratively) topic on the menu when couples go into counseling. For us women, sometimes sex (or the lack thereof) can be a bargaining tool or a means of punishment. For men, sex can be a way of dominating or controlling their spouse. It seems rare these days for sex to be used in the way it was first intended: procreation and unity with your spouse. More than likely, our sexual dilemnas stem from our culture. Nudity can be found on your regularly scheduled T.V. show. Movies that would be rated "X" are down-graded to an "R" movie and shown in our everyday theaters. Body parts you thought would only be revealed in the bedroom are seen on the street on a daily basis. Pornography at one time was not available unless you went out in public to a store and risked your face being seen. Now it can be streamed live in your home at no cost.
It is no surprise we tend to feel we can't live up to the expectations of our mate. Hollywood makes sex look so much more exciting and intoxicating than we feel we could ever engage in with our spouse of ten plus years. At the end of a day, my job as a mommy isn't over. I still have to cook dinner, give my son a bath, get him ready for bed, tuck him in, and don't forget to sing some songs, read some books, give kisses and say prayers. Then I can sit down and relax, right? Wrong. Now it's time to clean the house, take a shower, get my lunch ready for the next day and handle any loose ends I didn't finish during the day. Now, it's time to sit down. I'll be honest. When I sit down for sometimes the first time all day, sex is not the first thing on my mind. But, you better believe it's on my husband's mind. So, how can I cross that line? How can I show my spouse his needs are important to me when my emotions are telling me I just want to relax? I believe it starts in my heart.
Ever heard the saying, "If I bow down on my knees, maybe my heart will follow"? The Bible says our heart is deceitful above all things. If we aren't choosing to lead it, our emotions will. And those change by the minute based on our circumstances. The same goes with our relationship with God. We have to choose to lead our hearts to pray some days. There are times we have to remind our heart that God is there and He is for us, not against us. There are situations we will have to choose what we know is truth over our feelings at the time. The same is true in our sex lives. It's important for both of us to be sexually fulfilled. And there will be many times over the next 50 plus years we have left together, that we will have to make a choice to lead our hearts into oneness. If not, we will unknowingly lead them into temptation.
DAY 32:SUCCESS
8 days and counting...
No comments:
Post a Comment