Day 29: "Love's Motivation"

Render service with a good attitude, as to the Lord and not to men. 

 – Ephesians 6:7 HCSB

It doesn’t take much experience to discover that your mate will not always motivate your love. In fact, many times they will de-motivate it. More often than you’d like, it will seem difficult to find the inspiration to demonstrated your love. They may not even receive it when you try to express it. That’s simply the nature life, even in fairly healthy marriages.

But although moods and emotions can create all kinds of moving motivational targets, one is certain to stay in the same place, all the time. When God is your reason for loving, your ability to love is guaranteed.

That’s because love comes from Him.

Think of it like this. When you were a child, your parents certainly established rules for you to follow. Your bedtime was at a certain hour. Your room had to be kept mostly clean. Your schoolwork needed to be finished before you could go play. If you were like most people, you bent these rules as often as you obeyed them. And if not for the incentive of force and consequences, you might not have obeyed them at all.

But if you met Christ along the way or received any kind of Bible teaching, you probably were exposed to this idea – “Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord” (Colossians 3:20). If you took this to heart at all, you knew you didn’t merely have your parents to answer anymore. This was no longer a battle of wills between you and a flesh-and-blood authority figure. This was now between you and God. Your mom and dad were just the go-betweens.

As it turns out, however, the relationship between parents and children isn’t the only thing enhanced by letting God become your driving motivation. Consider the following areas where pleasing Him should become our goal:

Work. “Do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men” (Colossians 3:23).

Service. “Obey those who are your masters on earth, not with external service, as those who merely please men, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord” (Colossians 3:22).

Everything. “Work hard at “whatever you do … knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve” (Colossians 3:23-24).

Even marriage. “Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord” (Colossians 3:18). “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25).

The love that’s demanded from you in marriage is not dependent on your mate’s sweetness or suitability. The love between a husband and wife should have one chief objective: honoring the Lord with devotion and sincerity. The fact that it blesses our beloved in the process is simply a wonderful, additional benefit.

This change of focus and perspective is crucial for a Christian. Being able to wake up knowing that God is your source and supply – not just of your own needs but also those of your spouse – changes your whole reason for interacting with your mate.

No longer is it this imperfect person who decides how much love you’ll show, but rather it’s your omni-perfect God who can use even a flawed person like yourself to bestow loving favor on another.

Has your wife become fairly hard to live with lately? Is her slowness at getting over a disagreement wearing on your patience? Can she not just give it a rest? Don’t withhold your love just because she thinks differently from you. Love her “as to the Lord.”

Is your husband tuning you out, not saying much, apparently brooding over something he’s not interested in sharing? Do you feel hurt by his unwillingness to open up? Are you tired of him being so short with you, not even responding to the children the way he needs to? Don’t battle back with a double dose of silence and inattention. Love him anyway. “As to the Lord.”

Love motivated by mere duty cannot hold out for very long. And love that is only motivated by favorable conditions can never be assured of sufficient oxygen to keep it breathing. Only love that is lifted up as an offering to God – returned to Him in gratitude for all He’s done – is able to sustain itself when all other reasons have lost their ability to energize us.

Those who are fine with mediocre marriages can leave their love to chance and hope for the best. But if you are committed to giving your spouse the best. But if you are committed to giving your spouse the best love you possibly can, you need to shoot for love’s highest motivation. Love that has god as its primary focus is unlimited in the heights it can attain.

The Dare:  "Before you see your spouse again today, pray for them by name and for their needs. Whether it comes easy for you or not, say “I love you,” then express love to them in some tangible way. Go to God in prayers again, thanking Him for giving you the privilege of loving this one special person – unconditionally, the way He loves both of you."

The Outcome:  Nathan's biggest weakness is shopping for shoes. Gym shoes to be exact. Yesterday seemed to be perfect for a shopping day for all of us. I had some things in mind I needed/wanted. He had things in mind, well...just shoes. You would think this would be a fairly easy task, but with my analytical soulmate, shoe shopping is as difficult as it comes. He looks through hundreds of shoes and narrows it down to two and you think it's over. It has only just begun! He has to try walking, running, sitting, standing, skipping (well, maybe not that far) in both pairs of shoes to see their performance. Then, he has to use his phone to research the make of shoe and quality reviews. One shoe store could easily take us an hour, which usually ends with me in the car with Owen, refusing to endure another second of the agony. 

Then, I remembered my dare for the day. I could either blame my restlessness on Owen and head for the car to do something more motivating, or I could support his shoe fetish and help him make a decision. I decided on the latter. I helped him compare socks, talked him through the color choice and helped him look up reviews on certain brands. Almost an hour later, and lots of pleading with God (silently, of course) to keep my mouth shut, we were finished and could move on to the most important part of the day: clothes shopping. I was proud of my completed (and very difficult) dare and curious what Nathan had up his sleeve for the day. 

Every Tuesday and Thursday evening, I attend Bootcamp. It's my love/hate relationship with Sandman and the other 30 something people that crave punishment in the form of weights and cardio. I usually get home at 8:00 p.m. which doesn't leave much time to finish household chores that might not have gotten done. One of those chores I didn't get to yesterday was laundry. And lots of it. When I got home from Bootcamp, I noticed Owen was in the bathtub and Nathan was finishing folding his third load of laundry. What a sweetheart! 

Getting motivated to love is work. People make the mistake of getting married, then expecting it to be an everlasting honeymoon. They couldn't be farther from the truth. It is work. And lots of it. I believe that because marriage is the closest example to the way Christ loves His church, Satan has a mission to destroy it at all costs. I see this running rampant today throughout marriages. Affairs, abuse, control, bitterness. He will use anything he can to pull them apart. The closest blow he can give to God is to attack His Bride. It's time we start recognizing His schemes. Lack of motivation will easily turn to disinterest, which can quickly go towards searching for a new motivation, which might eventually lead to an affair. That's how Satan works: cunningly. Be on the lookout for things that are pulling you away. If you need some motivation, try taking the initiative. If you need a weekend trip away from the kids to rekindle your romance, do it for your marriage's sake! Let's make it our goal to disarm our enemy in order to arm our marriage. 

Day 29: SUCCESS

11 days and counting...

Day 28: "Love Sacrifices"

He laid down His life for us. We should also lay down our lives for our brothers. 

– 1 John 3:16 HCSB

Life can be hard. But what we usually mean is that our life can be hard. We’re the first to feel it when we’re the ones being mistreated or inconvenienced. We’re quick to sulk when we’re the ones who feel deprived or unappreciated. When life is difficult for us, we notice.

But too often the only way we notice that life is hard for our mate is when they start complaining about it. Then instead of genuinely caring or rushing in to help, we might think they just have a bad attitude. The pain and pressure they’re under don’t register with us the way it does when it’s our pain and pressure. When we want to complain, we expect everyone to understand and feel sorry for us.

This doesn’t happen when love is at work. Love doesn’t have to be jarred awake by your mate’s obvious signs of distress. Before worries and troubles have begun to bury them, love has already gone into action mode. It sees the weight beginning to pile up and it steps in to help. That’s because love wants you to be sensitive to your spouse.

Love makes sacrifices. It keeps you so tuned in to what your spouse needs that you often respond without being asked. And when you don’t notice ahead of time and must be told what’s happening, love responds to the heart of the problem.

That’s what Jesus did. “He laid down His life for us” to show us that “we should also lay down our lives” for others. He taught us that the evidence of love is found in seeing a need in others, then doing all we can to satisfy it. “For I was hungry and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me” (Matthew 23:35-36).

These are the types of needs you should be looking for in your wife or husband. Instead of sitting around upset that they’re not treating you the way you think they should, let love pick you up out of your self-pity and turn your attention to their needs.

Is he “hungry” – needing you sexually, even when you don’t feel like it?

Is she “thirsty” – craving the time and attention you seem to be able to give everyone else?

Does he feel like a “stranger” – insecure in his work, needing home to be a refuge and sanctuary?

Is she “naked” – frightened or ashamed, desperate for the warm covering of your loving affirmation?

Is he feeling “sick” – physically tired and needing you to help guard him from interruptions?

Does she feel in “prison” – fearful and depressed, needing some safety and intervention?

Love is willing to make sacrifices to see that the needs of your spouse are given your very best effort and focus. When your mate is overwhelmed and under the gun, love calls you to set aside what seems so essential in your own life to help, even if it’s merely the gift of a listening ear.

Often all they really need is just to talk this situation out. They need to see in your two attentive eyes that you truly care about what this is costing them, and you’re serious about helping them seek answers. They need you to pray with them about what to do, and then keep following up to see how it’s going.

The solutions may be simple and easy for you to do, or they may be complex and expensive, requiring time, energy and great effort. Either way, you should do whatever you can to meet the real needs of the one who is a part of who you are. After all, when you help them, you are also helping yourself. That’s the beautiful part of sacrificing for your spouse. Jesus did it for us. And He extends the grace to do it for others.

The Dare: "What is one of the greatest needs in your spouse’s life right now? Is there a need you could lift from their shoulders today by a daring act of sacrifice on your part? Whether the need is big or small, purpose to do what you can to meet the need."

The Outcome: I am typically a very selfish person, so I'm always looking out for number one. What makes me feel better? What do I feel like doing at the time? How much effort do I feel like putting into that "thing" I don't really care for? This will definitely be something I will have to work on more than just one day because it's a quality that can't just be developed over night. Selfishness is a hard thing to break. Mainly due to the fact you want yourself to be happy, or right, over all else. Naturally, right? But somehow, Jesus didn't live that way. Nor does he want us to. He says to truly love someone, you lay down your life for them. Your wants. Your needs. Your pleasures. For no other reason than  to show them love. Now that is a selfless love. And a love that I bet loves back pretty easily. 


Pretend you have a love meter. Depending on how much goes into that love meter will depend on how much comes out. If you only put a quarter of a tank of gas in your car, you aren't gonna make it very far until the car stops. The only way to get it running again is to put more gas in. The same is true with our love meters. If you aren't depositing anything into your spouse's meter, it's only a matter of time before they will crash if not given another deposit. I'm determining to make more deposits in Nathan's account from this day forward. I imagine I will be one rich lady one day!


Day 28: SUCCESS

12 days and counting...

Day 27: "Love Encourages"

Guard my soul and deliver me; do not let me be ashamed, for I take refuge in You. 

– Psalm 25:20

Marriage has a way of altering our vision. We go in expecting our mate to fulfill our hopes and to make us happy. But this is an impossible order for our spouse to fill. Unrealistic expectations breed disappointment. The higher your expectations, the more likely your spouse will fail you and cause you frustration.

If a wife expects her husband to always be on time, clean up after himself, and understand all her needs, she will likely live most her married life in constant disappointment. But if she gets realistic and understands that he’s human, forgetful, and sometimes thoughtless, then she will be more delighted when he is responsible, loving, and kind.

Divorce is nearly inevitable when people refuse to allow their spouses to be human. So there needs to be a transition in your thinking. You must choose to live by encouragement rather than by expectations. The way your spouse has been for the last ten years is likely what he or she will be in the future apart from your loving encouragement and an intervention from God. Love puts the focus on personal responsibility and improving yourself rather than on demanding more from others.

Jesus painted a picture of this when He talked about the person who saw the “speck” in his brother’s eye but didn’t notice the “log” in his own.“How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye” (Matthew 7:4-5).

Does your spouse feel like they’re living with a speck inspector? Are they routinely on edge, fearful of not living up to your expectations? Would they say they spend most days sensing more of your disapproval than your acceptance?

Perhaps you’d respond by saying that the problem is not with you but with them. If they really do come up short in a lot of areas, why is that your fault? As far as you’re concerned, it takes both of you doing everything you can to make marriage work. If your mate doesn’t want you to be so critical, they need to realize that the issues you bring up are legitimate. You’re not saying you’re perfect, by any mean, but it does seem like you should be able to say what you think. Right?

The problem with this kind of attitude is that few people are able to respond to criticism with total objectivity. When it seems clear that someone is unhappy with you – whether by direct confrontation or the silent treatment – it’s hard not to take their displeasure personally. Especially in marriage.

After all, unlike any other friendship, your relationship with your spouse began with both of you bending over backwards to please the other. When your mate was your boyfriend or girlfriend, they were completely charmed by your personality. You could almost do no wrong. Your life together was so much easier. And though you didn’t expect it to stay that way forever, you certainly didn’t see them being so sinful and getting so angry with you. You never expected that this man or woman who promised to love you could get to where they didn’t even seem to like you.

So when this stark contrast becomes living reality, your natural reaction is to resist it. During the early days of marriage, you may have been more inclined to listen and make subtle changes. But as the years go by, your spouse’s disapproval only tends to entrench you. Rather than making you want to correct things, it makes you want to dig in even deeper.

Love is too smart for that. Instead of putting your mate in a position to rebel, love teaches you to give them room to be themselves. Even if you’re the goal-oriented type who places high demands on yourself, love calls you not to project your hard-driving ways onto your mate’s performance. You must realize that marriage is a relationship to be enjoyed and savored along the way. It’s a unique friendship designed by God Himself where two people live together in flawed imperfection but deal with it by encouraging each other, not discouraging them.

Don’t you want married life to be a place where you can enjoy free expression of who you are, growing within a safe environment that encourages you even when you fail? Your spouse does too – and love gives them that privilege. If your wife or husband has told you on more than one occasion that you make them feel beat down and defeated, you need to take these words to heart. Make a commitment to daily let go of unrealistic expectations and become your spouse’s greatest encourager. And the person they’re created by God to be will begin to emerge with new confidence and love for you.

The Dare: "Eliminate the poison of unrealistic expectations in your home. Think of one area where your spouse has told you you’re expecting too much, and tell them you’re sorry for being so hard on them about it. Promise them you’ll seek to understand, and assure them of your unconditional love."

The Outcome: We had a long talk about expectations this morning. Up until now, I guess I never realized I even had certain expectations. It's not like you make a list for the day with all of your expectations lined up. It's just something you almost unconsciously develop over time. I realized that even though they seem like attainable goals I have for Nathan, they are still unrealistic. I've been focusing more on where he should improve and less on where I can. It's easy for me to notice all of his shortcomings, but what about my own? I always know my motive or reason for why I do what I do, so I don't think to question it. But when it comes to Nathan, I can't read his mind, I can only see his actions, so then I'm left to judge his motives by using context clues, which 95% of the time, are WRONG. 

Quite honestly, that's probably the reason I feel so let down at times. I'm sure he didn't leave that plate caked with dried ketchup in the sink because he knew I'd have to scrub it. I doubt I was the first thing that came to his mind as he left his dirty clothes strewn across the bedroom floor. The mind is a tricky thing. If you let it go unchecked, it will take you down a one-way street of insecurity and doubt. The Bible says to, "...be transformed by the renewing of your mind." The word "renew" means to "restore", kind of like when you restore your computer after it crashes. You bring it back to the place it should be. The place before the crash when everything was working properly. We have to be quick to catch our minds wandering and restore them back to sanity. Our security, our relationships and ultimately our marriages depend on it!

Day 27: SUCCESS

13 days and counting...

Day Twenty-Five: "Love Forgives"

What I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, I did it for your sakes in the presence of Christ. 

– 2 Corinthians 2:10

This one is tough – perhaps the toughest dare in the book. But if there is to be any hope for your marriage, this is a challenge that must absolutely be taken seriously. Counselors and ministers who deal with broken couples on a regular basis will tell you that this is the most complex problem of all, a rupture that is often the last to be repaired. It cannot just be considered and contemplated but must be deliberately put into practice. Forgiveness has to happen, or a successful marriage won’t.

Jesus painted a vivid image of forgiveness in His parable of the ungrateful servant. A man who owed a sizable sum of money was surprised when his master heard his appeals for mercy and totally canceled his debt. But upon being released from this enormous load, the servant did a most unexpected thing; he went to another man who owed him a much smaller amount and demanded immediate payment. When the master heard of it, things changed dramatically in his arrangement with the slave. “His lord, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him” (Matthew 18:34). A day that had begun with joy and relief ended in grief and hopelessness.

Imagine you find yourself in a prison-like setting. As you look around, you see a number of cells visible from where you’re standing. You see people from your past incarcerated there – people who wounded you as a child. You see people you once called friends but who wronged you at some point in life. You might see one or both of your parents there, perhaps a brother or sister or some other family member. Even your spouse is locked in nearby, trapped with all the others in this jail of your own making.

This prison, you see, is a room in your own heart. This dark, drafty, depressing chamber exists inside you every day. But not far away, Jesus is standing there, extending to you a key that will release every inmate.

No. You don’t want any part of it. These people have hurt you too badly. They knew what they were doing and yet they did it anyway – even your spouse, the one you should have been able to count on most of all. So you resist and turn away. You’re unwilling to stay here any longer – seeing Jesus, seeing the key in His hand, knowing what He’s asking you to do. It’s just too much.

But in trying to escape, you make a startling discovery. There is no way out. You’re trapped inside with all other captives. Your unforgiveness, anger, and bitterness have made a prisoner of you as well. Like the servant in Jesus’ story, who was forgiven an impossible debt, you have chosen not to forgive and have been handed over to the jailers and torturers. Your freedom is now dependent on your forgiveness.

Coming to this conclusion usually takes us a while. We see all kinds of dangers and risks involved in forgiving others. For instance, what they did was really wrong, whether they admit it or not. They may not even be sorry about it. They may feel perfectly justified in their actions, even going so far as to blame you for it. But forgiveness doesn’t absolve anyone of blame. It doesn’t clear their record with God. It just clears you of having to worry about how to punish them. When you forgive another person, you’re not turning them loose. You’re just turning them over to God, who can be counted on to deal with them His way. You’re saving yourself the trouble of scripting any more arguments or trying to prevail in this situation. It’s not about winning and losing anymore. It’s about freedom. It’s about letting go.

But how do you do it? You release your anger and the responsibility for judging this person to the Lord. “Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath for it is written, ‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord” (Romans 12:19).

How do you know you’ve done it? You know it when the thought of their name or the sight of their face – rather than causing your blood to boil – causes you to feel sorry for them instead, to pity them, to genuinely hope they get this turned around.

There’s so much more that could be said and so many emotional issues you may need to fight through to get there. But great marriages are not created by people who never hurt each other, only by people who choose to keep “no record of wrongs” (1 Corinthians 13:5).

The Dare:  "Whatever you haven’t forgiven in your mate, forgive it today. Let it go. Just as we ask Jesus to “forgive us our debts” each day, we must ask Him to help us “forgive our debtors” each day as well. Unforgiveness has been keeping you and your spouse in prison too long. Say from your heart, “I choose to forgive.”

The Outcome: Forgiveness is one of the hardest things to do. It seems simple. Just pray about it and let it go. But when someone hurts you, i mean really hurts you to the core, it's painful. There are a lot of things spinning through you're head when you're told to forgive. "If I forgive them, it makes what they did okay! If I let them off the hook, they won't have to suffer like I did, and that's not fair. Their life should be made miserable for all the things they've put me through." 

A few years ago, Nathan and I faced this scenario. To forgive or forget each other? A decision we made at the time, mostly based on what was best for our son, turned into a love that was before that moment, untapped. How does that happen? When you make the decision in your heart (and yes, forgiveness is much like love...a decision, not a feeling) and decide to forgive, putting God back in the center of your lives, he can start to restore. "Repent so that times of refreshing can come from the Lord." He knows how tough that first step is. The year after we made that decision was a struggle we fought everyday. Our feelings and emotions tore at us to call it quits. But the God inside of us wouldn't let us just give up. We were fighting for what we had to begin with: a love based on His love.

It is a fight to forgive. The deeper the hurt, the harder the fight. The more painful the scar, the more impossible it seems to let go. But if you take that step and give it over to God, he is more than able to heal. He is your healer. He is your comforter. He wants you to be free.

Day 25: SUCCESS

15 days and counting...

Day Twenty-Four: "Love vs. Lust"

The world is passing away, and also its lusts; but the one who does the will of God lives forever. 

– 1 John 2:17

Adam and Eve were supplied with everything they needed in the Garden of Eden. They had fellowship with God and intimacy with one another. But after Eve was deceived by the serpent, she saw the forbidden fruit and set her heart on it. Before long, Adam joined in her wishes, and against God’s command both of them ate.

That’s the progression. From eyes to heart to action. And then follows shame and regret.

We, too, have been supplied with everything we need for a full, productive, enriching life. God’s blessings, however, go so far beyond these fundamental needs, we could rightly say that we want for nothing. Yet like Adam and Eve, we still want more. So we set our eyes and hearts on seeking worldly pleasure. We try to meet legitimate needs in illegitimate ways. For many it’s seeking sexual fulfillment in another person or in pornographic images designed to feel like a real person. We look, stare, and fantasize. We try to be discreet but barely turn our eyes away. And once our eyes are capture by curiosity, our hearts become entangled. Then we act on our lust.

We can also lust after possessions or power or prideful ambition. We see what others have and we want it. Our hearts are deceived into saying, “I could be happy if I only had this.” Then we make the decision to go after it.

“But those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a snare and many foolish and harmful desires which plunge men into ruin and destruction” (1 Timothy 6:9).

Lust is in opposition to love. It means to set your heart and passions on something forbidden. And for a believer it’s the first step out of fellowship with the Lord and with others. That’s because every object of your lust – whether it’s a young coworker or a film actress, or coveting after a half-million dollar house or a sports car – represents the beginnings of a lie. This person or thing that seems to promise sheer satisfaction is more like a bottomless pit of unmet longings.

Lust always breeds more lust. “What is the source of the wars and the fights among you? Don’t they come from the cravings that are at war within you? (James 4:1 HCSB). Lust will make you dissatisfied with your husband or wife. It breeds anger, numbs hearts, and destroys marriages. Rather than fullness, it leads to emptiness.

It’s time to expose lust for what it really is – a misguided thirst for satisfaction that only God can fulfill. Lust is like a warning light on the dashboard of your heart, alerting you to the fact that you are not allowing God’s love to fill you. When your eyes and heart are on Him, your actions will lead you to lasting joy, not to endless cycles of regret and condemnation.

Begin setting your eyes on the Word of God. Let His promises of peace and freedom work 

their way into your heart. Daily receive the unconditional love He has already proven to your through the cross. Focus on being grateful for everything God has already given you rather than choosing discontentment. And while you’re at it, set your eyes and heart on your spouse again. “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth … Be exhilarated always with her love. For why should you, my son, be exhilarated with an adulteress and embrace the bosom of a foreigner? For the ways of a man are before the eyes of the Lord, and He watches all his paths” (Proverbs 5:18-21).

Lust is the best this world has to offer, but love offers you the best life in the world. 

The Dare: "End it now. Identify every object of lust in your life and remove it. Single out every lie you’ve swallowed in pursuing forbidden pleasure and reject it. Lust cannot be allowed to live in a back bedroom. It must be killed and destroyed – today – and replaced with the sure promises of God and a heart filled with His perfect love."

The Outcome: As if it wasn't easy enough to find some porn on your computer, now you can stream it live through your television. And the best part? No one has to know because you don't even leave your house. Now, you can even catch some mild porn on you regularly scheduled television shows. Social networking sure makes it easy to search out men and women you're interested in...all under the radar of your spouse. If that wasn't enough outlet for you to "fulfill your needs," you can thank the trends these days. The younger the girl, the shorter their shorts, the more you get to see. 

Back in the day, I mean waaaaaaay back, it was almost impossible to engage your eyes on something like that without going to a brothel or something of the like. A place where people might know you. With all the technology we have now, you can be knee-deep in it and we'd never know. It could be your dirty little secret...or would it? I blogged a few days ago about how I used to put God in the corner of my heart, hoping it would block his view of the harmful things I did. But it's just not possible. 

With every click of your mouse, with every devious stare at the television screen, with every attempt on Facebook to fulfill your pleasure, with every book you read designed to pull you into a fantasy love, you give a little bit of your soul to the image on the other side...whether imagined or real. If you do it enough, you wind up having very little if any at all left for your spouse to receive.

Even though it seems we have so much against us these days to rise above this addiction, we are actually in a better place than those way back when. With so much available, we have to purpose in our hearts to turn away. They didn't have pornography at their fingertips, we do. They didn't have the opportunity to make the decision on a daily basis to turn away, but we do. We get the chance to CHOOSE to look away even though it's prevalent, and most times completely free. To those who didn't have availability like us,  never had to face the struggle like we do.  It's a matter of the heart and we get to make our hearts decision. We get to lead our heart to true freedom.

Day 24: SUCCESS

16 days and counting...

Day Twenty-Three: "Love Always Protects"

[Love] always protects. 

– 1 Corinthians 13:7 NIV

Marriage is made up of many things, including joys, sorrows, successes, and failures. But when you think about what you want marriage to be like, the furthest thing from your mind is a battleground. However, there are some battles you should be more than willing to fight. These are battles that pertain to protecting your spouse.

Unfortunately your marriage has enemies out there. They come in different forms and use different strategies, but nonetheless they will conspire to destroy your relationship unless you know how to ward them off.

Some are clever and seem attractive, only to undermine your love and appreciation for one another. Others try to lure your heart away from your spouse by feeding you unhealthy fantasies and unrealistic comparisons. It’s a battle you must wage to protect your marriage – when love puts on armor and picks up a sword to defend its own. Your mate and your marriage need your constant protection from things like:

Harmful influences. Are you allowing certain habits to poison your home? The Internet and television can be productive and enjoyable additions to your life, but they can also bring in destructive content and drain away precious hours from your family. The same thing goes for work schedules that keep you separated from each other for unhealthy amounts of time.

You can’t protect your home when you’re rarely there, nor when you’re relationally disconnected. You have to fight to keep balance right.

Unhealthy relationships. Not everyone has the material to be a good friend. Not every man you hunt and fish with speaks wisely when it comes to matters of marriage. Not every woman in your lunch group has a good perspective on commitment and priorities. In fact, anyone who undermines your marriage does not deserve to be given the title of “friend.” And certainly you must be on guard at all times from allowing opposite-sex relationships at work, the gym, or even church to draw you emotionally away from the one to whom you’ve already given your heart.

Shame. Everyone deals with some level of inferiority and weakness. And because marriage has a way of exposing it all to you and your mate, you need to protect your wife or husband’s vulnerability by never speaking negatively about them in public. Their secrets are your secrets (unless, of course, these involve destructive behaviors that are putting you, your children, or themselves in grave danger). Generally speaking, love hides the fault of others. It covers their shame.

Parasites. Watch out for parasites. A parasite is anything that latches onto you or your partner and sucks the life out of your marriage. They’re usually in the form of addictions, like gambling, drugs, or pornography. They promise pleasure but grow like a disease and consume more and more of your thoughts, time, and money. They steal away your loyalty and heart from those you love. Marriages rarely survive if parasites are present. If you love your spouse, you must destroy any addiction that has your heart. If you don’t, it will destroy you.




Wives – you have a role as protector in your marriage. You must guard your heart from being led away through novels, magazines, and other forms of entertainment that blur your perception of reality and put unfair expectations on your husband. Instead you must do your part in helping him feel strong, while also avoiding talk-show thinking that can lure your attention away from your family. “The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands” (Proverbs 14:1).

Men – you are the head of your home. You are the one responsible before God for guarding the gate and standing your ground against anything that would threaten your wife or marriage. This is no small assignment. It requires a heart of courage and a head for preemptive action. Jesus said, “If the head of the house had known at what time of the night the thief was coming, he would have been on the alert and would not have allowed his house to be broken into” (Matthew 24:43). This role is yours. Take it seriously.


The Dare: "Remove anything that is hindering your relationship, any addiction or influence that’s stealing your affections and turning your heart away from your spouse."

The Outcome:  It's easy to get wrapped up in a good love story or movie. First thing that comes to mind for me? Edward and Bella. His desire and love for her could make you feel like you have butterflies in your stomach, and you're not even the one in love! I can feel the passion between them. I love those movies and I definitely will go out and see the new one, but I have to be careful with my heart. If I'm not watchful over it, my mind can wonder. I can start to put unrealistic expectations on Nathan."Why doesn't Nathan look at me like he wants to take a bite out of me? I wish he loved me like that," "I wish Nathan could throw me over his shoulder and run up the tallest tree to gaze out over the mountains." Really? Come on, Danielle.

I think one of the biggest challenges for me is protecting my heart. I am better at it now, because things have happened in my life that I never expected would. By not protecting and guarding my heart, other things came in. Things designed to pull me away from my husband. Things meant to destroy my relationship. It is so important to be open with God in your prayer life and really ask him to make known the things that might pull you away. Sometimes it's hard to spot the parasites until they're already attached, but if you are watchful and prayerful, God won't let your feet slip. That was the key ingredient, at the time, I was missing. I didn't stand guard over my heart or my relationship. My ears weren't open to hearing God's direction. It caused a lot of heartache that we are still recovering from. God has blessed us in many ways since then. Our marriage is stronger now than it ever has been. But God is looking to save you from those circumstances, if you only would consult Him. 


Day 23: SUCCESS

17 days and counting...

Day Twenty-Two: "Love is Faithful"

I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness. Then you will know the Lord. 

– Hosea 2:20

As Christians, love is the basis of our whole identity. Our love for each other is supposed to be how people distinguish us as Christ’s disciples (John 13:35). It is the root and ground of our existence (Ephesians 3:17), meant to be expressed with passion and fervency (1 Peter 4:8). It is a quality that we are to “abound” in more and more (1 Thessalonians 3:12), always getting better at it, becoming increasingly defined by it.

So if love is what we were created to share, what do you do when your love is rejected? How do you handle it when the one to whom you’ve pledged your life stops accepting the love you’re called to give?

The account of prophet Hosea is one of the most remarkable in the Bible. Against all logic and propriety, God instructed him to marry a prostitute. He wanted Hosea’s marriage to show what Heaven’s unconditional love looks like towards us. Hosea’s union with Gomer produced three children but, as expected, this woman who had long made her living in immorality was not content to stay faithful to one man. So Hosea was left to deal with a broken heart and the shame of abandonment.

He had loved her, but she had spurned his love. They had grown close, but now she had been disloyal and adulterous, rejecting him for the lust of total strangers.

Time passed, and God spoke to Hosea again. God told him to go and reaffirm his love for this woman who had been repeatedly unfaithful. This time she had reached a new low and had to be bought off the slave block, but Hosea paid the price for her redemption and bought her home. Yes, she had treated his love with contempt. She had dealt treacherously with his heart. But he welcomed her back into his life, expressing an unconditional love.

This is a true story, but it was used as a picture of God’s love for us. He showers His favor on us without measure, though in return we often don’t pay attention. At times we have acted shamefully and deemed His love an intrusion, as if it’s keeping us from what we really want. We have rejected Him in many ways – even after receiving His gift of eternal salvation – and yet He still loves us. He still remains faithful. In Him we have the model of what rejected love does. It stays faithful.

Jesus called us to this kind of love in the passage known as the Sermon on the Mount. He said to “love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you” (Luke 6:27-28).

From the vantage point of the wedding altar, you would never have dreamed that the person you married might later become to you a kind of "enemy," one you would need to love as an act of almost total sacrifice. And yet far too often in marriage, the relationship does indeed dwindle down to that level. Even to the point of betrayal or, sadly, to unfaithfulness.

For many, this is the beginning of the end. Some respond by rapidly moving toward a tragic divorce. Others, more protective of their reputation than even their own happiness, decide to keep the charade going. But they have no intention of liking it--much less of loving each other again.

If love is to be like His, it must love even when its overtures are returned unwanted. And for your love to be like that, it must be His love to begin with.You can give undeserved love to your spouse because God gave undeserved love to you--repeatedly, enduringly. Love is often expressed the most to those who deserve it the least.

The Dare: "Love is a choice, not a feeling. It is an initiated action, not a knee-jerk reaction. Choose today to be committed to love even if your spouse has lost most of their interest in receiving it. Say to them today in words similar to these, "I love you. Period. I choose to love you even if you don't love me in return."

The Outcome:  Loving someone who doesn't love you back? That goes against all logic in our minds. No one wants to be a doormat for a man to wipe their feet on. Especially when that man is the one who promised to love and cherish you for all of time. How about loving someone after they've gone outside your relationship? Moving on after they've done the unthinkable? These seem like impossible circumstances to endure, even more impossible to enjoy. And it's impossible to move passed without God's love pushing you along. When left to ourselves and our reasoning, things happen in our marriage that by all human standards say we should GET OUT! But, by God's standards, sometimes (and I repeat, sometimes) He asks us to stay in. Why? To torture us? To punish us for sins of our past? If you believe those are his reasons, you don't know God. God always has your best interest at heart. He always has a purpose for asking you to endure hardship. He always has a better plan in mind. 

Loving the unlovable, no matter what the reason, is a high calling. One of the most impossible ones. A calling in which you never look more like Jesus when you live it out. But when God asks you to live in a situation that seems overwhelming, he will give you the equipment you need, like a soldier in combat."And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus."

Nathan and I have endured many hardships throughout our seven years. Our love has been tested through some of the toughest waters. There have been times we have chosen to go our own way than God's. We lost focus on Him and the love on which we found each other. But God has a way of not letting go. Even when you are unfaithful to Him, He remains. His presence lingers over your lives until you decide to come back into relationship with Him. Some of our most tragic mistakes have taken place during the times we've chosen to ignore Him. I'm so thankful for a God that doesn't treat us based on what we deserve, but on who He is. A love that is faithful is available to all of us, and it only comes through God. It's free for the taking. But you have to be willing to accept it, keep it, and walk it out on a daily basis. 

Day 22: SUCCESS

18 days and counting...