Mold me, Lord, but don't take my health…or my son's health…or my husbands health. Refine my life, Father, as long as I don't have to walk through fire.
Push me out of my comfort zone, Jesus, as long as it's not TOO uncomfortable.
It would seem that God, in His wisdom, knows that in those moments where we have nothing to cling to (our health, our family, our friends, our possessions) we finally are able to come to a place where we search for Him, hungry for a peace that will settle our restless soul. We become no longer satisfied with knowing about Him in our minds, but desire to know Him in our hearts. And then we find it…that "peace that surpasses all understanding." Peace that lets us finally rest in His plan for us, be it sickness or health, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer.
Somewhere in my heart, a link is missing. I have confidence that God's plan and purpose for my life, for Owen's life, for Nathan's life will be accomplished, but my flesh worries about the way in which He will carry it out. If it were up to me, under my control, I would never allow my loved ones to feel hurt, experience sickness or walk through tragedy. I began to think about the promise Jesus gave me in John 16:32-33, "Behold, the hour is coming, indeed it has come, when you will be scattered, each to his own home, and will leave me alone. Yet I am not alone, for the Father is with me. I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”
There are actually two promises there, the first being that tribulation WILL happen, so I can stop wondering if it will, hoping it won't and praying for it to pass me by. It ain't happening. But the second part, the second promise is where I want my heart to dwell…the promise of peace. In Jesus, I not only have an Everlasting Father who gives me all good things, a Wonderful Counselor who leads, guides and instructs me, a Mighty God whose very existence keeps the world in orbit, but a "Prince of Peace." In John 14:27, Jesus reminds us again, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." The world says "peace" should be a life free of trouble, a body free of sickness and bones free of diseases. It suggests that peace can only come when all of our circumstances line up. But Jesus doesn't give the peace the world gives, He gives the peace of a confident heart, despite circumstances. The stillness of a body and soul at rest, in the midst of suffering. A calm trust despite what our emotions tell us to feel. There are many examples of Jesus healing the sick throughout his ministry, but there are just as many that went "un-healed," countless disciples even, left with a "thorn in the flesh", beaten, shipwrecked, persecuted and killed.
In the story of Job, you see everything taken from him in a blink of an eye: his family, his possessions, his health, everything he held near and dear. His mantra throughout the entire story: "Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him." Between balancing his anxiety and emotions with the truth, his friends and wife turning their back on him and his many questions of God and His purpose, he finally relinquishes control, " I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted. You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?’ Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. “You said, ‘Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me.’ My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you.Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes.” (Job 42:2-6) Why would our Loving Father spare us calamity,sickness and despair, if it meant on the other side of things, this too would be the mantra of our hearts?
In the story of Job, you see everything taken from him in a blink of an eye: his family, his possessions, his health, everything he held near and dear. His mantra throughout the entire story: "Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him." Between balancing his anxiety and emotions with the truth, his friends and wife turning their back on him and his many questions of God and His purpose, he finally relinquishes control, " I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted. You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?’ Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. “You said, ‘Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me.’ My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you.Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes.” (Job 42:2-6) Why would our Loving Father spare us calamity,sickness and despair, if it meant on the other side of things, this too would be the mantra of our hearts?
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