Last Monday, my husband informed me that he would be out of town for a work conference this week. Realizing this was his job and he had no choice in the matter, I obliged and reasoned in my mind, "We've done this before. Time goes by quickly. It'll be good for you and Owen to have time together." With his departure looming, I cancel my original plans with friends and decide Friday night would be our date night. We would go out on a double-date, then head out for a rendezvous of our own afterwards. As I'm getting dressed for the evening, he calls to inform me that after our dinner he would like to join the guys at the Cigar Bar, and then proceeds to ask me "Is that alright with you?" Now, let me just fill you in on what was going on in my mind..
Are you serious?!? I just canceled plans for the evening with MY friends (he was unaware of that, by the way) and NOW you are going out with the guys and leaving me at HOME?! ugh! I have WAY more to offer than "the guys" and you ain't getting what I'm offering.
followed by....
How inconsiderate of his friends to ask him to go "hang out" on our date night?? (I highly doubt they were aware it was "date night")
Don't judge, ladies. We all know our minds tend to go here! I refrained from unleashing my fury and responded, "Whatever you wanna do, babe." After hanging up the phone, I really wanted to call his mother and share the atrocity that just happened...but, well, ok I actually DID call her but she didn't answer. And for good reason. I put down the phone and just asked God to lead Nathan wherever he needed us to be tonight. If that meant we'd be spending the evening apart, then allow me to accept that and know He was working in the midst of it. We enjoyed a great dinner,conversation and drinks, then headed back home to switch cars. We walked in the house and the conversation that unfolded took me by surprise:
Nate: "Hey. You wanna come with me tonight?
Me: "To the Cigar Bar? For guys night?"
Nate: "Yeah. It'll be fun. It's date night, right? If you come with me, I don't have to choose."
Now, I don't smoke cigars. Or drink beer. Nor do I really prefer to inhale smoke for the evening. My immediate reaction was to say, "Thanks for the offer, babe, but I think I'm gonna curl up on the couch and read a book in my jammies." Before I could relay the words from my head to my mouth, I remembered what I asked God to do: lead Nathan where we should be for the night. With that fresh on my mind, I grab a jacket and a book and head out with Nathan to boldly invade guys night.
When we arrive the guys are having their cigars, obviously surprised to see me come along, but welcome me nonetheless. I order my glass of Moscato and sit down with my book, ready to dig in, zone out and let my husband enjoy guy talk. About five mins in, I quickly realize among the loud chatter, laughter, live music and such, I am NOT going to be absorbing this book. One of the guys introduces me to a girl they've known for a while. She works at the Cigar Bar and she and her husband were hanging out and enjoying the night together. For the next two hours, her and I just talk. Turned out she was into Theology and Apologetics (right up my alley) and was in a dry patch in her spiritual life. But you know, she came alive when we talked about Jesus. We both did. We didn't leave that place til after midnight. I felt encouraged and excited and so did she. I assured her that this night, and our meeting, was completely orchestrated by a Sovereign God. While she's in this dry patch, I told her we could walk through the Scriptures and learn Theology and Apologetics...together. Figure out what makes you come alive. Maybe it's service. Maybe it's studying Scripture. Maybe it's going to places "the church people" won't go and having a beer while sharing Jesus with a random stranger. Turn to God during the dry seasons. Engage in what makes you come alive and and wait on the Lord to move in your heart. Surround yourself with people who will encourage you that God's still got control of this thing. Even Jesus went through the desert. 
As my husband and I left the Cigar Bar that night, we both left a little more encouraged. He got to talk about Jesus and shoot the breeze with the guys. I, unexpectedly, met a new friend and allowed her to talk about her dry season, and assured her God expected us to go through those times. When I got in the car, I thought to myself "This is what it means when you say, 'Lord not my will, but Your's, be done.' What if I hadn't taken time to readjust my will to God's? What if I had been so desperate for my husband to have "alone time" with me that I stood in the way of God's plan for that evening?
Nathan works from 730a-6p most nights, has "guys night" with the men of our church once a week and also dedicates a couple nights a week to learn songs to lead us in worship on Sundays. Our alone time together is sometimes few and far between, but I see him growing in Christ. I see him developing friendships with men who aren't afraid to hold him accountable to his job, his family and his spiritual life. And you know what winds up happening? Those few moments we DO have alone are so much more fulfilling. He's a happier husband, a more loving father, and a more confident man.
How often do we interfere with God's plan and will for our husbands, and for ourselves? If we look at what "will" means, it's defined as a desire, purpose, or determination; especially of one in authority. So I ask you, who's in authority over your life and your will? There is someone on that throne. Is it you or is it God? I try to always keep in the forefront of my mind, that my husband was first and foremost designed to glorify God and fulfill His purpose in this world. I come second. Always. Even though it is tough, and causes me to have to sometimes give up my needs as his wife, it's important that I trust God. I ask God to lead my husband and then I must TRUST him to do so, "for it is God who works in [Nathan] to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose." - Phil.2:13
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