"Hello, Friend: You Are Loved."

"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares."

- Henri Nouwen

I'm what you might call a "quote-o-holic." I love quotes. I read them continuously and almost always will search for the right one to fit my current situations or circumstances. Some quotes are heart-wrenching, while others are comforting. There are some quotes, like the one above, that create a unique feeling in my heart; a kind of introspection that would go unnoticed if not for that simple, truthful, and often painful...quote.

When you think of a friend, what comes to mind? I'd have to say I would want a friend who was honest with me, but knows how to pick and choose their battles. I mean, who doesn't want to have a little harmless venting every once in a while without repercussions? Sometimes, I want my friend to listen to me rant and rave, then quietly agree with me, no matter how psychotic I seem at the moment. Other times, in the more serious issues, I want my friend to lay it out there whether I like it or not. It's not the time or place to be a "lapdog" friend when my family, future or well-being is on the line. However...that's just me.

I think one of the biggest mistakes I tend to make with friendships is I forget that not everyone is like me. Not everyone wants a mentor, counselor or in harsh terms, a "know-it-all." Sometimes, people tell you their problems just to get it out. They don't want a solution or a diagnosis, they just want a listening ear. I have come to terms with the fact I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to be the friend that sits back and says nothing. I don't know how to listen to your woes and keep my mind from calculating a million different ways to fix it. I regret that I don't have that ability, but I assure you it comes from love.

I wish I could tell you that my "fix-it" attitude comes from a need to be "needed." It seems like it would be less embarrassing to be able to say it comes from a judging spirit. But in reality, it comes from the deep desire to keep you from going down one of the many destructive paths I have. In my heart I want to help, but in reality that can hurt more than help. Something a friend told me that still sticks with me, "If you are always quick to offer people suggestions or your 'two-cents worth', they will never be able to hear from God themselves." 

I didn't write this to justify my ways, nor make excuses for the friend I am. I believe I am a great friend when needed, but I must develop the ability to be a listener. I must be able to sit back and not feel as if without my intervention, they'll never figure it out. There was a time when I felt a true friend was the one who was always "telling you like it is." I don't believe that anymore. I believe a friend is one who is able to tell it like is when needed, or lend an ear to listen. A TRUE friend is one who knows there's a time and a place for both....Lord, help me become that friend...Friends, pray with me and give me a chance to become that person.

"On Belay."

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:1-2

A few short months ago, I was disciplined. I was dedicated, determined and dependable to make my 5 A.M. quiet times a priority over any other. Then, Nate got deployed for three weeks. The first two weeks were hit or miss. My morning meetings with God began to be decided on how the night before went with Owen. "If it's past 10 o'clock before I get him in bed, 5 A.M. will get a nice 'SNOOZE' button in the morning," I'd say. The first and second weeks were hit or miss. I'd make it a few mornings, other mornings I'd give in the the power of the snooze button. By the third week, I'm pretty sure the fire alarm couldn't wake me that early. My circumstances changed. My life got busy. I got overwhelmed. At the climax of my stress, time spent in the Word was left behind which, in turn, caused my peace of mind to leave. 


Have you ever been climbing before? When you get to a certain height, your palms get a little clammy , your stomach starts to turn, and the sense you are safe becomes questionable. Your automatic thoughts are spinning, questioning your sanity, whether you might die, and which one of your friends you should dump for dragging you up here. But that's just the first time. The second time, you notice your palms are a little drier, your feet are a little more secure and the butterflies in your stomach aren't fluttering as much. By the third time, you actually enjoy yourself and feel the freedom and power as you reach the top. What would've happened if, after the first time, you gave up because the situation was too fearful? You would've left the experience forever, never to try again, and collected a new fear for the rest of your life. 


Living in peace isn't just something we can change in our minds. It takes action. God will actually lead us into the same spots we would be tempted to avoid, until its no longer a fear. Until we come to grips with that, we will continually find ourselves in those situations. Just hearing verses here and there about how God will guide and care for us won't totally remove the anxiety. We have to continually expose ourselves to uncomfortable situations, so that we learn to embrace the fear, and let God turn it into trust.

On a ropes course when everything is set and you are ready to climb, you say to your guide, "On Belay." To belay a rope means to make it absolutely secure, to fasten it to something immovable. It means you are now connected to something that will keep you from falling, and you will entrust your body to what you say you believe. You will walk (or climb) by faith. 


Oddly enough, Nate just got called for deployment tomorrow. My fearful situation is back again. My chance to face the fear has come just in time. This time, I will trust God. This time, I will stay focused. This time, I will keep the Word by my side. This time Lord, I'm ready.....on belay.

"The 'Word' Each Day Keeps the Pills Away"

Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'" Matthew 4:4

The scene: hot, dry, scorching wilderness. The people involved: Jesus and Satan. The subject: temptation. The temptation for Jesus was to turn rocks into bread. Doesn't seem like much of a tempting situation for me, but for a man who had nothing to eat or drink in the past forty days, it would be an almost unbearable situation. I've been in a few of those. You? Maybe not to turn rocks into bread or have to deny God, but I've definitely felt the pull of temptation a time or two. Here recently, one of my big temptations has been to favor SLEEP over my morning devotion. Now THAT is easily understood, right? After missing quite a few mornings, I've realized a simple fact: the Word each day keeps the pills away.

Please don't misunderstand me. I know sometimes in life people need pills to "balance out" their hormones, emotions, anxiety, etc. For those people who have that kind of imbalance medically, PLEASE for the love of God, take your pill, for our sake and yours! However, at this point in my life, I am perfectly normal. Now that is not to say in my later years I will never have to deal with the ups and downs of menopause, hormones,emotions, anxiety, etc... but for now, I'm in the clear.

I've noticed a pattern over the past couple of months. I'm easily irritated, anxious, moody and controlling. I've also realized those characteristics have surfaced more as my time with the Lord has lessened. Coincidence? I think not. You know, it makes sense when you think about it. You make time to have your morning coffee, your daily gossip session with your girlfriends, maybe a tanning bed visit here and there...oh, and don't forget your afternoon workout! But for some reason, opening up the Bible and reading three words is the most undesirable thing next to eating cottage cheese. Why is that?! Could it be the enemy of our soul knows pausing to read even a sentence from the Bible could change our morning? Maybe it's because Satan knows once we got in the habit of opening the Word everyday, even for five minutes, we would no longer feel the burdens of this world? So, his motive is simple: divert them from the Word AT ALL COSTS!


I have definitely been victim to his schemes, although the more I pay attention, the easier it becomes to see them. I've decided I have two choices to overcome the stresses and emotions of my life: a pill or the Word. I'm going with what I KNOW has worked for me over these many years...the good old faithful Word of God. We may not always be faithful to Him, but He will always be faithful and available for us when we decide we are ready...even if for the 100th time:)

"The Theology of Jesus '+'..."

"Dear Lord, Please save me from your followers." - Anonymous

My last blog was "I am Enough." This one should probably be more appropriately titled, "He is Enough." However, it sounds a bit too churchy for my liking. I like titles that make you look twice, kind of like that quote above. What a bold statement. But, how true is it? How many times do you feel as if the Christians around you are disappointed? I have.

You don't go to church? You aren't saved...
You forgot to tithe? God's gonna take all of your money away...
You said a cuss word? You just lost your salvation...
You don't have a quiet time? You don't love Jesus...
Jesus + anything doesn't equal grace!

Jesus actually felt the same way about the people who claimed to study His word, the Pharisees. Take a glimpse at some verses for yourself:

"These people are false apostles. They are deceitful workers who disguise themselves as apostles of Christ." 2 Corinthians 11:3

"Watch out for those dogs, those men who do evil, those mutilators who say you must be circumcised to

be saved." Philipians 3:2

“You snakes! You brood of vipers! How will you escape being condemned to hell?" Matthew 23:33

Obviously, He felt strongly about those types of people as well. Church, tithing, quiet times, living a life above reproach...all these things are great, but are not required to have a relationship with Christ. They just come as bonuses to your relationship as you start to grow. God wants you as you are. No strings attached. If you find yourself acting like a Pharisee, take a long look in the mirror...and the Bible. Jesus seemed to think YOU were more of the problem than the one headed to hell. 

Let the strings go. Jesus loves them, and you,  no strings attached. There's nothing you can do to make Him love you more or less. So, let's teach Jesus + NOTHING, and show them Grace.

"I Am Enough"

"The LORD your God is with you, 

   the Mighty Warrior who saves. 

He will take great delight in you; 

   in his love he will no longer rebuke you, 

   but will rejoice over you with singing."

I love this verse. It reminds me that God tends to be a verb, not a noun. He's always "doing" something. Check out this verse. He's a Warrior who saves, he takes delight, he loves, he doesn't rebuke, he rejoices and he sings. I bet he has a voice similar to Josh Groban's. I don't know about you, but sometimes it's hard for me to believe he wants to SING over me. I mean, my husband sings to me here and there. My mom sang to me when I was a baby. People sang "Happy Birthday" to me just the other day. Owen sings songs to me and I must say they are all precious! But, God?! The God of the universe wants to not just sing about me, but rejoice about it?! Really?? He knows every past mistake, every current mistake, and every mistake to come and he still rejoices over me. If that doesn't give you a warm, tingly feeling, I don't know much else that will. 

That's unconditional love. Love that doesn't depend on how much I talk to him, how often I pray, or how "good" I was that day. That is a love that loves no matter what the conditions. So, you feel "unworthy" of this kind of love? You aren't alone. I've felt that way before. I'm sure Judas (the one that gave Jesus up to the soldiers) did. After all, he hung himself shortly after making that mistake. I bet Peter felt similar after denying he even knew Jesus. He didn't feel worthy to be crucified in the same manner as Jesus, so he asked to be crucified upside down. King David had an affair with a married woman, got her pregnant, then secretly had her husband killed in combat to cover up the mistake. Yet after all of that, God called him "...a man after My heart." 

God doesn't hold the same gavel we do. He doesn't hold past sins or regrets against us. He sees our hearts. He sees who we are meant to be. And he loves us as we are, not as we should be, because we will never be as we "should" be.

"Did you know every time you say, 'I love you' to God, he says, "Thank You?" Never confuse your perception of yourself with the mystery that you really are accepted."

Words for the Weary

It's compassion fatigue. It's well doer's burnout. It happens sometimes when a very dedicated, committed disciple of Jesus suddenly wakes up and realized he's tired - tired of giving, tired of doing, tired of serving. He finds that the joy of service is gone.

Ever feel like that? Most of the time, for me, there's always something that "ignites" the feeling of weariness. In my twenty years of being a Christian, I've gone through many cycles of fatigue. Of course we all go through physical and mental fatigue, but I'm speaking of spiritual fatigue. Have you been there? In fact, I've been there for the last couple of months.

I think it started when my husband was called out of town for what we thought may be a week or so, and turned out being 21 days. Oddly enough, you know the old saying, "...it takes 21 days to make or break a habit." I'd have to say I believe it. It took just that long for me to grow weary. Somewhere between working, caring for my three year old, cooking and cleaning, I felt something had to give. Obviously, I had to work, my three year old couldn't care for himself, eating was of most importance and my house had to be cleaned in order to maintain my sanity. So, what did that leave? My quiet times. Sure, they are some of my most treasured times. But, when you are the only "caregiver" at  home, working from sun up to sun down,  the last thing that seems appealing is waking up at 5am. So, I decided to put my 5am companion on hold until Nate returned home. After all, He is one Companion that has nothing but time to wait around on me, right? One week went by, two weeks, then the longest week of all: the third week. However, things didn't go quite as easy as I'd planned. When Nathan returned home, it didn't seem so easy just to pick up where I left off. Prayer came a little harder for me. Willingness to wake up early came more as a chore than a desire.


I'm happy to say, as of last night, I've gotten my ninety-fifth wind. Sure, most people call it their "second wind," however I've been through this cycle MANY times before. I like to call it "battle fatigue." You fight the good fight, become diligent in reading the word, wear a smile on your face everywhere you go, then all of a sudden your strength is zapped. Sometimes it happens because of circumstances beyond your control. Sometimes you get bitter towards God and turn away. Sometimes you make mistakes, some of them HUGE mistakes in your eyes, and you feel unworthy to stand in His presence any longer. I've been through all of the above reasons to give up. There was a time when I would allow myself to become weary, then feel guilty upon returning to my "diligence" in serving the Lord. Not anymore. I've grown to know there are seasons in life, and it's easier for God to understand us than it is for us to understand ourselves. I've come to trust that God really will "never leave or forsake me." I take comfort now in knowing that God already knows we will grow weary: "Let us NOT grow weary in doing good...Galatians 6:9." 


No matter what seems to be in between you and God right now, know he's just on the other side of it, waiting for you. Is it because he has nothing better to do than wait around for us? No, it's because He loves us so much, there is nothing He'd RATHER do! 

The Mirror of Erised

"The happiest man on earth would look into the mirror and see only himself, exactly how he is. Men have wasted away before it, not knowing if what they have seen is real, or even possible." - Albus Dumbledore


    In honor of the newest and final movie of the Harry Potter series debuting this week (enter excitement here), I thought I'd dedicated my blog today to it. These movies have faced a lot of heat from the religious world, among others. As some would see them as an "introduction" into a dark world, I see them as a unique way to learn life lessons, but more importantly, spiritual lessons. I'm not real sure why people tend to believe God can only use church, gospel music, and "hell, fire and brimstone" preachers to reach people. I like to think of God as "outside the box." I believe He enjoys seeing us take spiritual lessons from things that would otherwise be considered "taboo."


    Harry Potter is definitely considered a "taboo" to the Pharisees of the world. I can imagine "the mirror of Erised" would be labelled the same. It's a magical mirror that was hidden away in a room that was for safe keeping. Harry, being the mischievious boy he is, stumbled across it. He would frequently go back and visit this mirror. What was the lure that had him returning again and again? He could see his family in this mirror. The Mirror of Erised  shows the "deepest and most desperate desire of our hearts." The happiest person in the whole world would look in the mirror and see a reflection of exactly the way he or she is. Inscribed across the top of the frame is the following text: Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi. Reversing the inscription and rearranging the spaces produces: I show not your face but your heart's desire. Dumbledore warned Harry about gazing too long upon this mirror. He told him he had seen many men waste away in front of it, seeing things they most desired but could never have.They began to prefer seeing those hidden desires fulfilled in that mirror than their own realities. 

     How often do we look upon our past, wishing to go back? Some of us may wish to relive our high school days forever. Others may desire to turn the clock back and mend a relationship with a parent before it was too late. And some would rather give up their responsibilities, bills, work, etc. to reflect on how easy life was as a kid. Others may have some deeper horrors in their past they'd like to go back and erase. No matter what the reason, we could  all learn something from Dumbledore's warning: "Looking into the past gives us neither knowledge or truth." Let's stop looking back and learn to face today as the best yet to come.

If you haven't seen the scene with Harry and Dumbledore, or you just want to watch it again (like me), you can see it below.