Words for the Weary

It's compassion fatigue. It's well doer's burnout. It happens sometimes when a very dedicated, committed disciple of Jesus suddenly wakes up and realized he's tired - tired of giving, tired of doing, tired of serving. He finds that the joy of service is gone.

Ever feel like that? Most of the time, for me, there's always something that "ignites" the feeling of weariness. In my twenty years of being a Christian, I've gone through many cycles of fatigue. Of course we all go through physical and mental fatigue, but I'm speaking of spiritual fatigue. Have you been there? In fact, I've been there for the last couple of months.

I think it started when my husband was called out of town for what we thought may be a week or so, and turned out being 21 days. Oddly enough, you know the old saying, "...it takes 21 days to make or break a habit." I'd have to say I believe it. It took just that long for me to grow weary. Somewhere between working, caring for my three year old, cooking and cleaning, I felt something had to give. Obviously, I had to work, my three year old couldn't care for himself, eating was of most importance and my house had to be cleaned in order to maintain my sanity. So, what did that leave? My quiet times. Sure, they are some of my most treasured times. But, when you are the only "caregiver" at  home, working from sun up to sun down,  the last thing that seems appealing is waking up at 5am. So, I decided to put my 5am companion on hold until Nate returned home. After all, He is one Companion that has nothing but time to wait around on me, right? One week went by, two weeks, then the longest week of all: the third week. However, things didn't go quite as easy as I'd planned. When Nathan returned home, it didn't seem so easy just to pick up where I left off. Prayer came a little harder for me. Willingness to wake up early came more as a chore than a desire.


I'm happy to say, as of last night, I've gotten my ninety-fifth wind. Sure, most people call it their "second wind," however I've been through this cycle MANY times before. I like to call it "battle fatigue." You fight the good fight, become diligent in reading the word, wear a smile on your face everywhere you go, then all of a sudden your strength is zapped. Sometimes it happens because of circumstances beyond your control. Sometimes you get bitter towards God and turn away. Sometimes you make mistakes, some of them HUGE mistakes in your eyes, and you feel unworthy to stand in His presence any longer. I've been through all of the above reasons to give up. There was a time when I would allow myself to become weary, then feel guilty upon returning to my "diligence" in serving the Lord. Not anymore. I've grown to know there are seasons in life, and it's easier for God to understand us than it is for us to understand ourselves. I've come to trust that God really will "never leave or forsake me." I take comfort now in knowing that God already knows we will grow weary: "Let us NOT grow weary in doing good...Galatians 6:9." 


No matter what seems to be in between you and God right now, know he's just on the other side of it, waiting for you. Is it because he has nothing better to do than wait around for us? No, it's because He loves us so much, there is nothing He'd RATHER do!