"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares."
- Henri Nouwen
I'm what you might call a "quote-o-holic." I love quotes. I read them continuously and almost always will search for the right one to fit my current situations or circumstances. Some quotes are heart-wrenching, while others are comforting. There are some quotes, like the one above, that create a unique feeling in my heart; a kind of introspection that would go unnoticed if not for that simple, truthful, and often painful...quote.
When you think of a friend, what comes to mind? I'd have to say I would want a friend who was honest with me, but knows how to pick and choose their battles. I mean, who doesn't want to have a little harmless venting every once in a while without repercussions? Sometimes, I want my friend to listen to me rant and rave, then quietly agree with me, no matter how psychotic I seem at the moment. Other times, in the more serious issues, I want my friend to lay it out there whether I like it or not. It's not the time or place to be a "lapdog" friend when my family, future or well-being is on the line. However...that's just me.
I think one of the biggest mistakes I tend to make with friendships is I forget that not everyone is like me. Not everyone wants a mentor, counselor or in harsh terms, a "know-it-all." Sometimes, people tell you their problems just to get it out. They don't want a solution or a diagnosis, they just want a listening ear. I have come to terms with the fact I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to be the friend that sits back and says nothing. I don't know how to listen to your woes and keep my mind from calculating a million different ways to fix it. I regret that I don't have that ability, but I assure you it comes from love.
I wish I could tell you that my "fix-it" attitude comes from a need to be "needed." It seems like it would be less embarrassing to be able to say it comes from a judging spirit. But in reality, it comes from the deep desire to keep you from going down one of the many destructive paths I have. In my heart I want to help, but in reality that can hurt more than help. Something a friend told me that still sticks with me, "If you are always quick to offer people suggestions or your 'two-cents worth', they will never be able to hear from God themselves."
I didn't write this to justify my ways, nor make excuses for the friend I am. I believe I am a great friend when needed, but I must develop the ability to be a listener. I must be able to sit back and not feel as if without my intervention, they'll never figure it out. There was a time when I felt a true friend was the one who was always "telling you like it is." I don't believe that anymore. I believe a friend is one who is able to tell it like is when needed, or lend an ear to listen. A TRUE friend is one who knows there's a time and a place for both....Lord, help me become that friend...Friends, pray with me and give me a chance to become that person.
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