Day Two and Counting...

• It rained 40 days and 40 nights during the Flood (Genesis 7: 4)
• Noah waited 40 days after the waters receded and the Ark settled on Mount 
• The Israelites ate Manna 40 years in the Desert (Genesis 16: 35-6)
• Moses spent 40 days and nights on Mount Sinai (Exodus 24: 18) comes down to the 
• The scouts from the 12 tribes spied out the Promised Land 40 days before they returned a bad report (Numbers 13: 25). Therefore, the Israelites were required to spend 40 years “wandering” in the Wilderness (Numbers 14: 33; Deuteronomy 29: 4)
• Goliath “taunted” Israel 40 days before his defeat by David (1 Samuel 17: 16)
• King David reigned for 40 years (2 Samuel 5: 4)
• King Solomon reigned for 40 years (1 Kings 11: 42)
• Jonah preached to Nineveh for 40 days before they repented (Jonah 3: 4)
• Elijah fasted 40 days in the wilderness (1 Kings 19: 8)
• Jesus spent 40 days Fasting in the Desert after His baptism (Matthew 4: 1-2)
• Jesus also spent 40 days on earth following His Resurrection (Acts 1: 3)
• Jesus, by tradition, spent 40 hours in the tomb.

I am by no means one of those that says, "You must push through to exactly forty days to receive a break-through from the Lord!" But, statistically, I can say that it seems God used the timeline of forty days to do some pretty rad things. Oddly enough, a book that Nate and I started (The Love Dare) is a book with a timeline. You guessed it! Forty days.

The appeal is that at the end of forty days, your marriage can be transformed. I like that. It's not some lovey-dovey, super-spiritual, high-and-mighty book that makes you want to burn it. It's a very short, quick and to the point kind of writing. It's set up to allow you to take the reigns. It will ask you each day to step out of your comfort zone and do something out of the norm. Simple things, like, "Buy your spouse something special today." "Don't say a negative comment towards your spouse today." "Do something selfless today." It seems as if these would be easy commands, but when you are a selfish person like myself, they are actually quite difficult. Nonetheless, Nate and I have agreed to take this journey...together. And I'd like to share it with you. There's never a better time than now to fine-tune your marriage.

Day One: "Love is Patient"

The Dare: "The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It's better to hold your tongue then say something you'll regret."

The Outcome: We had a B I G temptation come up that day, but we worked through it...and yes, finding something positive to say was nearly impossible, so i shut my mouth.

DAY ONE: SUCCESS

Day Two: "Love is Kind"

The Dare: "In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness."

The Outcome: Nate has to make like 3 meals for his lunch daily. He always wakes a little earlier in the mornings to be sure it's all done before time for work. This morning, I set my clock about 15 mins earlier. Man, that sucked. I know its just 15 mins, but geeeeeeeeeez that felt like an hour earlier. Half asleep, I reluctantly got up and put his lunch together for him, the whole time thinking, "This is some selfless stuff right here! I better get a Starbucks drink out of this sometime today!" Well, needless to say, my selfishness hasn't disappeared yet...but hey, it's only day 2! On a side note, he really appreciated it ANNND he fixed dinner and cleaned the kitchen tonight to complete HIS dare:) 

DAY TWO:  SUCCESS

38 days and counting...

"Fix You"

"Fix You" by Coldplay

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down on your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you 





Ever lost something that just can't be replaced? I've been there. I've lost many battles in my life. 
A promise broken. 
A commitment unfulfilled. 
An obligation pushed aside. 
Trust shattered. 
A friendship jeopardized. 
And those are just a few. 


When you are young, you are invincible. You know everything. Alcohol won't cause bad decisions. Cars don't drive fast enough to kill you. Smoking isn't the cause of throat cancer. Boys don't break hearts and they always respect you. Somewhere along the path, you realize you didn't know it all. Mistake after mistake, tear after tear, you yearn for something truthful. You search for a light at the end of the tunnel. The one that is sure to guide you home. 


Despite many cheek-drenching moments in my life, amidst all the despair, all the pain...there has always been a Light. That place where I am accepted unconditionally. Where my latest betrayal didn't matter. Where who I was made to be is more important than who I just pretended to be. It's a Light...that always leads me home...always ignites my bones...always fixes me.

"The Real Deal"...New Look. New Blog. New Purpose.

“Grace abounds in contemporary movies, books, novels, films and music. If God is not in the whirlwind, He may be in a Woody Allen film, or a Bruce Springsteen concert. Most people understand imagery and symbol better than doctrine and dogma. Images touch hearts and awaken imaginations. One theologian suggested that Springsteen's 'Tunnel of Love' album, in which he symbolically sings of sin, death, despair and redemption, is more important for Catholics than the Pope's last visit when he spoke of morality only in doctrinal propositions.” 
― Brennan Manning, The Ragamuffin Gospel: Good News for the Bedraggled, Beat-Up, and Burnt Out


Up until this point, my blog has been pretty straight forward. Basically, I would read or hear a scripture pertaining to something in my life that I have dealt with or found appealing at the time, and express what I felt the quote and/or scripture meant to me in my life. In the past few weeks, I've struggled with my blog. I debated whether to change it up or leave it be. Usually, if I'm debating in my mind about it for that long, its time for a change, kind of like a facelift. I tend to be a creature of habit, but I get bored after a while. At this point in my life, I feel most drawn to the people who really are like me. The ones who don't or try to seem as if they have it all together. The ones not afraid to admit the cheese is falling off their cracker. The friends that have real life issues. Real life problems. And real "what if's" that need answers. The ones that won't just say, "I'll pray about that," but, "How can I help?" I mean, isn't that what being a disciple is all about? Isn't that what people are really looking for?


After today, my blog will have a new look and a new purpose. "The Real Deal," will be the new title. The purpose has the same basic goal, to lead people to Christ, but in a completely different way...through secular movies, music, books, etc. The problem with religion is it tends to think God is confined to Christian music, the bible, sermons and things of the like. That's simply not true. No wonder so many people would rather slit their wrists than become a Christian. A lot of churches convince them, "if it's not within these four walls, it's not of God!" Before you write me off as a Christian who's fallen off her rocker, think back to Jesus' example. He was found in some of the most "unreligious" places. Eating with a tax collector, gettin' down on the dance floor at a party (yes, with wine!), conversing with a prostitute (I can't imagine what kind of rumors came out of that story). Despite the religious people of that time who deemed him blasphemous, he carried on day by day, showing others God is by no means confined to the Temple. He is alive, well and active outside those walls. In fact, I would be so bold to say you might have a better chance of finding Him out on the street than in some of these churches.  


Now is the time. People need real people. They aren't looking for those who have the nicely pressed collars around their neck or the "holier than thou's" that are afraid to seem normal, frightful that if they don't seem to have it all together, they will receive some kind of demerit.  They are looking for God to be here among us, in the movie they saw, in the song that just came on the radio, in the sunset they just witnessed that seemed almost as if God himself painted it. This blog will be written for them. It is not for the super-religious. It is not for those who refuse to see God in our culture today. It is not for the people who have never been in a valley. It is for the ones who can admit they aren't perfect. It is for those who have tried and tried and still don't seem to "get it." It is for those who for the millionth time are trying to start over. It is for the people who aren't afraid of seeing God from a different angle. It is for the people who swear they have felt the love of God while listening to a Bruce Springsteen song. It is for people like me. 


If we would pull ourselves away from the four walls of a church. If we could put down the spiritual book we feel obligated to read every morning because we are afraid it will be our only "spiritual medicine" for the day. If we would open our minds and hearts to see the beauty in a sunset, the lyrics in a song, the character in a movie, I believe we could experience a side of God we've never seen before.

   

"Hello, Friend: You Are Loved."

"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares."

- Henri Nouwen

I'm what you might call a "quote-o-holic." I love quotes. I read them continuously and almost always will search for the right one to fit my current situations or circumstances. Some quotes are heart-wrenching, while others are comforting. There are some quotes, like the one above, that create a unique feeling in my heart; a kind of introspection that would go unnoticed if not for that simple, truthful, and often painful...quote.

When you think of a friend, what comes to mind? I'd have to say I would want a friend who was honest with me, but knows how to pick and choose their battles. I mean, who doesn't want to have a little harmless venting every once in a while without repercussions? Sometimes, I want my friend to listen to me rant and rave, then quietly agree with me, no matter how psychotic I seem at the moment. Other times, in the more serious issues, I want my friend to lay it out there whether I like it or not. It's not the time or place to be a "lapdog" friend when my family, future or well-being is on the line. However...that's just me.

I think one of the biggest mistakes I tend to make with friendships is I forget that not everyone is like me. Not everyone wants a mentor, counselor or in harsh terms, a "know-it-all." Sometimes, people tell you their problems just to get it out. They don't want a solution or a diagnosis, they just want a listening ear. I have come to terms with the fact I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to be the friend that sits back and says nothing. I don't know how to listen to your woes and keep my mind from calculating a million different ways to fix it. I regret that I don't have that ability, but I assure you it comes from love.

I wish I could tell you that my "fix-it" attitude comes from a need to be "needed." It seems like it would be less embarrassing to be able to say it comes from a judging spirit. But in reality, it comes from the deep desire to keep you from going down one of the many destructive paths I have. In my heart I want to help, but in reality that can hurt more than help. Something a friend told me that still sticks with me, "If you are always quick to offer people suggestions or your 'two-cents worth', they will never be able to hear from God themselves." 

I didn't write this to justify my ways, nor make excuses for the friend I am. I believe I am a great friend when needed, but I must develop the ability to be a listener. I must be able to sit back and not feel as if without my intervention, they'll never figure it out. There was a time when I felt a true friend was the one who was always "telling you like it is." I don't believe that anymore. I believe a friend is one who is able to tell it like is when needed, or lend an ear to listen. A TRUE friend is one who knows there's a time and a place for both....Lord, help me become that friend...Friends, pray with me and give me a chance to become that person.

"On Belay."

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:1-2

A few short months ago, I was disciplined. I was dedicated, determined and dependable to make my 5 A.M. quiet times a priority over any other. Then, Nate got deployed for three weeks. The first two weeks were hit or miss. My morning meetings with God began to be decided on how the night before went with Owen. "If it's past 10 o'clock before I get him in bed, 5 A.M. will get a nice 'SNOOZE' button in the morning," I'd say. The first and second weeks were hit or miss. I'd make it a few mornings, other mornings I'd give in the the power of the snooze button. By the third week, I'm pretty sure the fire alarm couldn't wake me that early. My circumstances changed. My life got busy. I got overwhelmed. At the climax of my stress, time spent in the Word was left behind which, in turn, caused my peace of mind to leave. 


Have you ever been climbing before? When you get to a certain height, your palms get a little clammy , your stomach starts to turn, and the sense you are safe becomes questionable. Your automatic thoughts are spinning, questioning your sanity, whether you might die, and which one of your friends you should dump for dragging you up here. But that's just the first time. The second time, you notice your palms are a little drier, your feet are a little more secure and the butterflies in your stomach aren't fluttering as much. By the third time, you actually enjoy yourself and feel the freedom and power as you reach the top. What would've happened if, after the first time, you gave up because the situation was too fearful? You would've left the experience forever, never to try again, and collected a new fear for the rest of your life. 


Living in peace isn't just something we can change in our minds. It takes action. God will actually lead us into the same spots we would be tempted to avoid, until its no longer a fear. Until we come to grips with that, we will continually find ourselves in those situations. Just hearing verses here and there about how God will guide and care for us won't totally remove the anxiety. We have to continually expose ourselves to uncomfortable situations, so that we learn to embrace the fear, and let God turn it into trust.

On a ropes course when everything is set and you are ready to climb, you say to your guide, "On Belay." To belay a rope means to make it absolutely secure, to fasten it to something immovable. It means you are now connected to something that will keep you from falling, and you will entrust your body to what you say you believe. You will walk (or climb) by faith. 


Oddly enough, Nate just got called for deployment tomorrow. My fearful situation is back again. My chance to face the fear has come just in time. This time, I will trust God. This time, I will stay focused. This time, I will keep the Word by my side. This time Lord, I'm ready.....on belay.

"The 'Word' Each Day Keeps the Pills Away"

Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'" Matthew 4:4

The scene: hot, dry, scorching wilderness. The people involved: Jesus and Satan. The subject: temptation. The temptation for Jesus was to turn rocks into bread. Doesn't seem like much of a tempting situation for me, but for a man who had nothing to eat or drink in the past forty days, it would be an almost unbearable situation. I've been in a few of those. You? Maybe not to turn rocks into bread or have to deny God, but I've definitely felt the pull of temptation a time or two. Here recently, one of my big temptations has been to favor SLEEP over my morning devotion. Now THAT is easily understood, right? After missing quite a few mornings, I've realized a simple fact: the Word each day keeps the pills away.

Please don't misunderstand me. I know sometimes in life people need pills to "balance out" their hormones, emotions, anxiety, etc. For those people who have that kind of imbalance medically, PLEASE for the love of God, take your pill, for our sake and yours! However, at this point in my life, I am perfectly normal. Now that is not to say in my later years I will never have to deal with the ups and downs of menopause, hormones,emotions, anxiety, etc... but for now, I'm in the clear.

I've noticed a pattern over the past couple of months. I'm easily irritated, anxious, moody and controlling. I've also realized those characteristics have surfaced more as my time with the Lord has lessened. Coincidence? I think not. You know, it makes sense when you think about it. You make time to have your morning coffee, your daily gossip session with your girlfriends, maybe a tanning bed visit here and there...oh, and don't forget your afternoon workout! But for some reason, opening up the Bible and reading three words is the most undesirable thing next to eating cottage cheese. Why is that?! Could it be the enemy of our soul knows pausing to read even a sentence from the Bible could change our morning? Maybe it's because Satan knows once we got in the habit of opening the Word everyday, even for five minutes, we would no longer feel the burdens of this world? So, his motive is simple: divert them from the Word AT ALL COSTS!


I have definitely been victim to his schemes, although the more I pay attention, the easier it becomes to see them. I've decided I have two choices to overcome the stresses and emotions of my life: a pill or the Word. I'm going with what I KNOW has worked for me over these many years...the good old faithful Word of God. We may not always be faithful to Him, but He will always be faithful and available for us when we decide we are ready...even if for the 100th time:)

"The Theology of Jesus '+'..."

"Dear Lord, Please save me from your followers." - Anonymous

My last blog was "I am Enough." This one should probably be more appropriately titled, "He is Enough." However, it sounds a bit too churchy for my liking. I like titles that make you look twice, kind of like that quote above. What a bold statement. But, how true is it? How many times do you feel as if the Christians around you are disappointed? I have.

You don't go to church? You aren't saved...
You forgot to tithe? God's gonna take all of your money away...
You said a cuss word? You just lost your salvation...
You don't have a quiet time? You don't love Jesus...
Jesus + anything doesn't equal grace!

Jesus actually felt the same way about the people who claimed to study His word, the Pharisees. Take a glimpse at some verses for yourself:

"These people are false apostles. They are deceitful workers who disguise themselves as apostles of Christ." 2 Corinthians 11:3

"Watch out for those dogs, those men who do evil, those mutilators who say you must be circumcised to

be saved." Philipians 3:2

“You snakes! You brood of vipers! How will you escape being condemned to hell?" Matthew 23:33

Obviously, He felt strongly about those types of people as well. Church, tithing, quiet times, living a life above reproach...all these things are great, but are not required to have a relationship with Christ. They just come as bonuses to your relationship as you start to grow. God wants you as you are. No strings attached. If you find yourself acting like a Pharisee, take a long look in the mirror...and the Bible. Jesus seemed to think YOU were more of the problem than the one headed to hell. 

Let the strings go. Jesus loves them, and you,  no strings attached. There's nothing you can do to make Him love you more or less. So, let's teach Jesus + NOTHING, and show them Grace.