Day Ten..."Love is Unconditional"

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

Romans 5:8

The Dare: "Do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse - something that proves (to you and them) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else. Wash her car. Clean the kitchen. Buy his favorite dessert. Fold laundry. Demonstrate love to them for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage.

 The Outcome: I think we BOTH blew this dare out of the water! I noticed while heading out to the gym yesterday afternoon that I had a screw sticking out of my tire by about an inch and a half, which translated to me going nowhere. I didn't want to risk the screw falling out while driving, then consequently being tested on my tire-changing skills which are definitely non-existent. I called Nate and he called every place in town and no one seemed to have my tire in stock. We finally found someone who had what we needed, however it involved a drive to Kennesaw to get it...at 6:30 in the morning the next day, on my day off. There was NOTHING pleasant about having to wake up my four year old, get him dressed for the day, and go sit in a waiting room at a tire place for an hour or so at the buttcrack of dawn. After getting everything ready to go first thing in the morning, I went out in the garage and saw Nate was changing my tire to the spare. He then informed me he had let his employer know he would be in late. He left his car for me to drive for the day, and took my car to Kennesaw and waited for them to finish the tire, then took my car to work. This would mean he would inevitably have to work through lunch. 



Owen and I decided to venture out to his work, which was an act of God that we ever arrived, seeing how I could get lost driving from my work back home. We hand delivered to him an Arby's Market Fresh sandwich (his favorite) and a Red Bull (his second favorite) at work. He was not only surprised I took the time to FIND his work (hey, in my defense he isn't always at the concierge, he's usually working from his car), but also took time out of my day to bring him some little "pleasures." Owen and I visited a while, then came back home. While Owen napped, I slaved over a weeks worth of unfolded laundry. Whew! I never thought folding, separating and hanging laundry could possibly take up a full hour and a half. It was like a breath of fresh air to have it done though!

DAY TEN: SUCCESS

30 days and counting...

Day Eight and Nine...

‎"Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame." 

_Song of Solomon 8:6_

Day Eight: "Love is Not Jealous"

The Dare: "Determine to become your spouse's biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy. To help you set your heart on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take yesterday's list of negative attributes and burn it. Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed."

The Outcome: I didn't "physically" burn the negative list I had written, mainly because I thought it would be kind of cheesy, but I did throw it out and refuse to focus on it any longer. I won't live in denial that there is a list that exists, whether written or not, for myself and for Nathan. In our human nature, we can't help but notice each others shortcomings along the way. But to the same degree I know there is a list, I believe just as much that I have a choice in the matter. I have a choice to dwell on it or pray on it. I'm choosing to love. I'm choosing to lead my heart. I'm choosing to pray on it. 

Day Eight: SUCCESS

32 days and counting...

"Greet one another with a kiss of love."

1 Peter 5:14

Day Nine: "Love makes good impressions."

The Dare:  "Think of a specific way you'd like to greet your spouse today. Do it with a smile and with enthusiasm. Then determine to change your greeting to reflect your love for them."

The Outcome:  This was actually really tough for me, as it would be for most people who have been married for almost eight years. You see each other day in and day out. You wake up together. You go to bed together. You spend every day together other than work. You get used to each other. Now, I personally am not a "lovey dovey" person. I don't care to give hugs and make out every time I see my husband. It's not that I don't love him or don't feel attracted to him, it's just that I've gotten used to seeing him everyday. Nathan leaves on Catastrophe Duty roughly 3 times a year, for two to three weeks at a time for work. I've definitely learned "absence makes the heart grow fonder." I tend to hug him a little longer before he leaves, kiss him a little more tenderly, find small talk...anything to keep him there a second longer. When he returns back home, it's like a dream come true. The butterflies flutter again. The challenge today made me realize how important it is to express my "passion" for him on a daily basis, not on the occasion he's going away or returning. Those are great times to convey my heartfelt enjoyment, but if I only react this way during those times, he would only receive that kind of affection three or so times a year! That's not healthy...or acceptable. Challenge accepted!

DAY NINE: SUCCESS 

31 days and counting...

Day Seven: "Love Believes the Best"

"Love believes all things, hopes all things."

1 Cor. 13:7

Up to this point, I have been summarizing our "Love Dare" journey, but this day in particular really hit home for me. It sank in deep. Maybe because I could see my past self in it, maybe because its so brutally honest, maybe because we've come so far...whatever the case, Day Seven was a tear-jerker for me and a MUST read for every one who is or one day will choose to be married. 

"In the deep and private corridors of your heart, there is a room. It's called the Appreciation Room, where your thoughts go when you encounter positive and encouraging things about your spouse. And every so often, you enjoy visiting this special place. On the walls are written phrases like "honest" and "intelligent," "beautiful" or "diligent worker." They are things you've discovered about your spouse that have been embedded in your memory, things that were likely written in the first stages of your relationship. The more time you spend in this room, the more you appreciate your spouse.

You may have found you don't visit this room very much anymore. That's because there is another room nearby that's competing for your attention: the Depreciation Room. Unfortunately, you visit there often. On it's walls are written things that bother or irritate you about your spouse. These things were placed there out of frustration, hurt feelings and disappointments. This room is lined with the failures and weaknesses of your spouse. If you stay in this room long enough, you get depressed and start expressing it. 

Emotional injuries and bitterness fester here. 

People fall out of love here. 

But know this. Spending time in the Deprecation Room kills marriages. Divorces are plotted in this room. The more time you spend here, the more your heart devalues your spouse. It begins the moment you walk in the door, and your care for them lessens by the second. 

You may feel these negative things are all true, but so are the things in the Appreciation Room. Everyone fails. Everyone has unresolved issues, hurts, and baggage. That is called being human. 

Let's get down to the real issue here. Love knows about the Depreciation Room and does not live in denial that it exists.

 But love chooses not to live there. 

You must decide to stop running to this room and lingering there after every argument in your relationship. It does you no good and drains the joy out of your marriage. 

Love chooses to believe the best about people. It gives them the benefit of the doubt. It refuses to fill in the unknowns with negative assumptions. And when our worst hopes are proven to be true, love makes every effort to deal with them and move forward.

It's time to think differently. It's time to let love lead your thoughts and your focus. The only reason you should glance in the door of the Depreciation Room is to know how to pray for your spouse. And the only reason you should enter is to write "COVERED IN LOVE" in huge letters across the wall.

It's time to move into the Appreciation Room, to settle down and make it your home. Your spouse is a living, breathing, endless book to be read. Dreams and hopes are yet realized. 

It is a decision you make, whether they deserve it or not."

The Dare: "Get two sheets of paper. One the first one, write out positive things about your spouse. On the second, write out the negative things. Place both sheets in a private place for another day. There is a purpose and plan for each. At some point during the day, pick a positive attribute from the first list and thank your spouse for having this characteristic."

The Outcome: The reading alone for this day really sparked an interest in Nate and I. It's funny when it's put into imagery like that, you realize how true it is in your life, and more importantly your heart. We've made our lists and we are vowing to spend more and more time in the Appreciation Room. I'm excited to see what is to come with our "lists."

DAY SEVEN: SUCCESS

33 days and counting...

Day Five and Six..

"Whoever blesses his neighbor with a loud voice, rising early in the morning, will be counted as cursing."

Proverbs 27:14

Day Five: "Love is not rude."

The Dare: "Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them, or justifying your behavior. This is from their perspective only."

The Outcome: We thought on this for a while and we both only had one complaint about each other (pretty impressive, huh?)...so we shared them and we worked on them. Of course, it won't all get better in a day, but we are consistently trying to avoid our "go-to" behaviors that annoy each other. You know, sometimes, I know for myself at least, I think we may do these things on purpose, just to get under one another's skin. They say no one knows how to push your buttons like your spouse, and I'd say that's pretty true!

Day Five: SUCCESS (P.S.- i'm still rude sometimes....what can i say? i'm a work in        progress)

 "He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty,
And he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city."

Proverbs 16:32

Day Six: "Love is not irritable."

The Dare: "Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations you need to release from your life."

The Outcome: I must admit. I am a scheduler. I like things in order. I don't like change. I like to eat the same foods for breakfast, lunch and dinner for a week at a time. I like to get to work and leave at the same time every day. I even have a schedule for my "down-time". Bubble bath, music and a chilled glass of wine at 7 pm every night. I tend to be less stressed when all goes according to my "plan," but if something comes up or my schedule goes awry, I get tense. I think "irrationally." This will definitely be something for me to work on, because when I lose composure, so does Nate (and his patience towards me). I can see how it would benefit not only my marriage, but my personality as well, to let go of that control. I'll get there...eventually:) 

Day Six: SUCCESS

34 days and counting...

Day Four: "Love is Thoughtful"

"How precious also are Your thoughts for me...

How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, 

they would outnumber the sand."

Psalm 139:17-18

The Dare:  "Contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them."

The Outcome: I have to admit, Nathan blew me out of the ballpark on this one. I started off my day on the wrong foot, rushing out the door and scrambling to get to work on time (which to me is always 15 mins early). Today's lesson plan should've just had chaos written at the top of it. We had about two and a half hours to fit in our curriculum, a fall project, and some individual pictures I wanted to take of each child for the bulletin board. Half way into our morning, right smack in the middle of the chaos, my boss notifies me that the State has decided to make a surprise visit. In other words: PANIC. I immediately had to regroup, get twelve three year olds cleaned up, all of our chaotic art projects put away, and get them all washed up for snack (which includes me requiring each child to wash/scrub their hands for 20 seconds). Add a couple more feather-ruffling situations to my day and that about sums up where I was emotionally when I got my phone call from Nate. At that point, I was just in tears, spitting my emotions out left and right. Poor Nathan, after quietly listening from the other end, simply asked if there was anything he could do to help to which I responded (in my most "pity me" voice)..."No, no, no. There's just nothing that would help. This is the worst day ever." Then, I remembered: "Crap! I was supposed to check up on HIM and he's checking up on me and now I have no way to spin the conversation around to be about HIM....uggggggh that just adds to terrible day!" Bursting into tears I replied, "I was supposed to ask how your day was. So, how was your day (snob, sniff, snob)?" He chuckled a bit, realizing how close I was to receiving Mother Nature's monthly gift. As the day went on, the events didn't seem to get better, but Nate really picked up the pieces. He took Owen to and from the gym to give me some quite time, and cleaned up the house tonight before leaving for his football game. I must say, I felt like quite a failure today on being "thoughtful," but my husband picked up the slack and demonstrated the definition to perfection.

Day Four:  SUCCESS

36 days and counting...

Day Three: "Love is Not Selfish"

Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.

Romans 12:10

The Dare: "Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you. It's hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says, "I was thinking of you today." 

The Outcome: I awoke to a delicious GRANDE soy mocha frappuccino (my fave) from Starbucks. It's interesting because it wasn't the fact I got to enjoy my favorite drink, but what mattered most was what it took for that drink to be on my bedside table. It meant Nate had to wake up earlier than normal. It meant he had to go out (in the pouring rain, might I add), get my drink (ordered perfectly), and drive back to the house to hand deliver it...all before having to drive to Marietta for work this morning. The process meant more to me than the outcome. However, the outcome sure did taste fabulous!

Nate enjoys a certain drink in the mornings as well: Red Bull a.k.a. (in my opinion) "cavities in a can," and yes, I'm speaking from personal experience. I've also noticed his gym talk lately has consisted of "getting lean" and getting more "cleavage." I know one thing, if pumping some iron was all we ladies needed to do in order to gain more cleavage, I'm sure we'd have a lot of busty women walking around. What women will pay thousands of dollars for, men can achieve by hitting the iron. Ironic, I'd say. So, what better "thinking of you" gift would I give him other than a Red Bull and a weightlifting magazine? It was right up his alley:)

DAY THREE:  SUCCESS

37 days and counting...

Day Two and Counting...

• It rained 40 days and 40 nights during the Flood (Genesis 7: 4)
• Noah waited 40 days after the waters receded and the Ark settled on Mount 
• The Israelites ate Manna 40 years in the Desert (Genesis 16: 35-6)
• Moses spent 40 days and nights on Mount Sinai (Exodus 24: 18) comes down to the 
• The scouts from the 12 tribes spied out the Promised Land 40 days before they returned a bad report (Numbers 13: 25). Therefore, the Israelites were required to spend 40 years “wandering” in the Wilderness (Numbers 14: 33; Deuteronomy 29: 4)
• Goliath “taunted” Israel 40 days before his defeat by David (1 Samuel 17: 16)
• King David reigned for 40 years (2 Samuel 5: 4)
• King Solomon reigned for 40 years (1 Kings 11: 42)
• Jonah preached to Nineveh for 40 days before they repented (Jonah 3: 4)
• Elijah fasted 40 days in the wilderness (1 Kings 19: 8)
• Jesus spent 40 days Fasting in the Desert after His baptism (Matthew 4: 1-2)
• Jesus also spent 40 days on earth following His Resurrection (Acts 1: 3)
• Jesus, by tradition, spent 40 hours in the tomb.

I am by no means one of those that says, "You must push through to exactly forty days to receive a break-through from the Lord!" But, statistically, I can say that it seems God used the timeline of forty days to do some pretty rad things. Oddly enough, a book that Nate and I started (The Love Dare) is a book with a timeline. You guessed it! Forty days.

The appeal is that at the end of forty days, your marriage can be transformed. I like that. It's not some lovey-dovey, super-spiritual, high-and-mighty book that makes you want to burn it. It's a very short, quick and to the point kind of writing. It's set up to allow you to take the reigns. It will ask you each day to step out of your comfort zone and do something out of the norm. Simple things, like, "Buy your spouse something special today." "Don't say a negative comment towards your spouse today." "Do something selfless today." It seems as if these would be easy commands, but when you are a selfish person like myself, they are actually quite difficult. Nonetheless, Nate and I have agreed to take this journey...together. And I'd like to share it with you. There's never a better time than now to fine-tune your marriage.

Day One: "Love is Patient"

The Dare: "The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It's better to hold your tongue then say something you'll regret."

The Outcome: We had a B I G temptation come up that day, but we worked through it...and yes, finding something positive to say was nearly impossible, so i shut my mouth.

DAY ONE: SUCCESS

Day Two: "Love is Kind"

The Dare: "In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness."

The Outcome: Nate has to make like 3 meals for his lunch daily. He always wakes a little earlier in the mornings to be sure it's all done before time for work. This morning, I set my clock about 15 mins earlier. Man, that sucked. I know its just 15 mins, but geeeeeeeeeez that felt like an hour earlier. Half asleep, I reluctantly got up and put his lunch together for him, the whole time thinking, "This is some selfless stuff right here! I better get a Starbucks drink out of this sometime today!" Well, needless to say, my selfishness hasn't disappeared yet...but hey, it's only day 2! On a side note, he really appreciated it ANNND he fixed dinner and cleaned the kitchen tonight to complete HIS dare:) 

DAY TWO:  SUCCESS

38 days and counting...