Day Twenty-Four: "Love vs. Lust"

The world is passing away, and also its lusts; but the one who does the will of God lives forever. 

– 1 John 2:17

Adam and Eve were supplied with everything they needed in the Garden of Eden. They had fellowship with God and intimacy with one another. But after Eve was deceived by the serpent, she saw the forbidden fruit and set her heart on it. Before long, Adam joined in her wishes, and against God’s command both of them ate.

That’s the progression. From eyes to heart to action. And then follows shame and regret.

We, too, have been supplied with everything we need for a full, productive, enriching life. God’s blessings, however, go so far beyond these fundamental needs, we could rightly say that we want for nothing. Yet like Adam and Eve, we still want more. So we set our eyes and hearts on seeking worldly pleasure. We try to meet legitimate needs in illegitimate ways. For many it’s seeking sexual fulfillment in another person or in pornographic images designed to feel like a real person. We look, stare, and fantasize. We try to be discreet but barely turn our eyes away. And once our eyes are capture by curiosity, our hearts become entangled. Then we act on our lust.

We can also lust after possessions or power or prideful ambition. We see what others have and we want it. Our hearts are deceived into saying, “I could be happy if I only had this.” Then we make the decision to go after it.

“But those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a snare and many foolish and harmful desires which plunge men into ruin and destruction” (1 Timothy 6:9).

Lust is in opposition to love. It means to set your heart and passions on something forbidden. And for a believer it’s the first step out of fellowship with the Lord and with others. That’s because every object of your lust – whether it’s a young coworker or a film actress, or coveting after a half-million dollar house or a sports car – represents the beginnings of a lie. This person or thing that seems to promise sheer satisfaction is more like a bottomless pit of unmet longings.

Lust always breeds more lust. “What is the source of the wars and the fights among you? Don’t they come from the cravings that are at war within you? (James 4:1 HCSB). Lust will make you dissatisfied with your husband or wife. It breeds anger, numbs hearts, and destroys marriages. Rather than fullness, it leads to emptiness.

It’s time to expose lust for what it really is – a misguided thirst for satisfaction that only God can fulfill. Lust is like a warning light on the dashboard of your heart, alerting you to the fact that you are not allowing God’s love to fill you. When your eyes and heart are on Him, your actions will lead you to lasting joy, not to endless cycles of regret and condemnation.

Begin setting your eyes on the Word of God. Let His promises of peace and freedom work 

their way into your heart. Daily receive the unconditional love He has already proven to your through the cross. Focus on being grateful for everything God has already given you rather than choosing discontentment. And while you’re at it, set your eyes and heart on your spouse again. “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth … Be exhilarated always with her love. For why should you, my son, be exhilarated with an adulteress and embrace the bosom of a foreigner? For the ways of a man are before the eyes of the Lord, and He watches all his paths” (Proverbs 5:18-21).

Lust is the best this world has to offer, but love offers you the best life in the world. 

The Dare: "End it now. Identify every object of lust in your life and remove it. Single out every lie you’ve swallowed in pursuing forbidden pleasure and reject it. Lust cannot be allowed to live in a back bedroom. It must be killed and destroyed – today – and replaced with the sure promises of God and a heart filled with His perfect love."

The Outcome: As if it wasn't easy enough to find some porn on your computer, now you can stream it live through your television. And the best part? No one has to know because you don't even leave your house. Now, you can even catch some mild porn on you regularly scheduled television shows. Social networking sure makes it easy to search out men and women you're interested in...all under the radar of your spouse. If that wasn't enough outlet for you to "fulfill your needs," you can thank the trends these days. The younger the girl, the shorter their shorts, the more you get to see. 

Back in the day, I mean waaaaaaay back, it was almost impossible to engage your eyes on something like that without going to a brothel or something of the like. A place where people might know you. With all the technology we have now, you can be knee-deep in it and we'd never know. It could be your dirty little secret...or would it? I blogged a few days ago about how I used to put God in the corner of my heart, hoping it would block his view of the harmful things I did. But it's just not possible. 

With every click of your mouse, with every devious stare at the television screen, with every attempt on Facebook to fulfill your pleasure, with every book you read designed to pull you into a fantasy love, you give a little bit of your soul to the image on the other side...whether imagined or real. If you do it enough, you wind up having very little if any at all left for your spouse to receive.

Even though it seems we have so much against us these days to rise above this addiction, we are actually in a better place than those way back when. With so much available, we have to purpose in our hearts to turn away. They didn't have pornography at their fingertips, we do. They didn't have the opportunity to make the decision on a daily basis to turn away, but we do. We get the chance to CHOOSE to look away even though it's prevalent, and most times completely free. To those who didn't have availability like us,  never had to face the struggle like we do.  It's a matter of the heart and we get to make our hearts decision. We get to lead our heart to true freedom.

Day 24: SUCCESS

16 days and counting...

Day Twenty-Three: "Love Always Protects"

[Love] always protects. 

– 1 Corinthians 13:7 NIV

Marriage is made up of many things, including joys, sorrows, successes, and failures. But when you think about what you want marriage to be like, the furthest thing from your mind is a battleground. However, there are some battles you should be more than willing to fight. These are battles that pertain to protecting your spouse.

Unfortunately your marriage has enemies out there. They come in different forms and use different strategies, but nonetheless they will conspire to destroy your relationship unless you know how to ward them off.

Some are clever and seem attractive, only to undermine your love and appreciation for one another. Others try to lure your heart away from your spouse by feeding you unhealthy fantasies and unrealistic comparisons. It’s a battle you must wage to protect your marriage – when love puts on armor and picks up a sword to defend its own. Your mate and your marriage need your constant protection from things like:

Harmful influences. Are you allowing certain habits to poison your home? The Internet and television can be productive and enjoyable additions to your life, but they can also bring in destructive content and drain away precious hours from your family. The same thing goes for work schedules that keep you separated from each other for unhealthy amounts of time.

You can’t protect your home when you’re rarely there, nor when you’re relationally disconnected. You have to fight to keep balance right.

Unhealthy relationships. Not everyone has the material to be a good friend. Not every man you hunt and fish with speaks wisely when it comes to matters of marriage. Not every woman in your lunch group has a good perspective on commitment and priorities. In fact, anyone who undermines your marriage does not deserve to be given the title of “friend.” And certainly you must be on guard at all times from allowing opposite-sex relationships at work, the gym, or even church to draw you emotionally away from the one to whom you’ve already given your heart.

Shame. Everyone deals with some level of inferiority and weakness. And because marriage has a way of exposing it all to you and your mate, you need to protect your wife or husband’s vulnerability by never speaking negatively about them in public. Their secrets are your secrets (unless, of course, these involve destructive behaviors that are putting you, your children, or themselves in grave danger). Generally speaking, love hides the fault of others. It covers their shame.

Parasites. Watch out for parasites. A parasite is anything that latches onto you or your partner and sucks the life out of your marriage. They’re usually in the form of addictions, like gambling, drugs, or pornography. They promise pleasure but grow like a disease and consume more and more of your thoughts, time, and money. They steal away your loyalty and heart from those you love. Marriages rarely survive if parasites are present. If you love your spouse, you must destroy any addiction that has your heart. If you don’t, it will destroy you.




Wives – you have a role as protector in your marriage. You must guard your heart from being led away through novels, magazines, and other forms of entertainment that blur your perception of reality and put unfair expectations on your husband. Instead you must do your part in helping him feel strong, while also avoiding talk-show thinking that can lure your attention away from your family. “The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands” (Proverbs 14:1).

Men – you are the head of your home. You are the one responsible before God for guarding the gate and standing your ground against anything that would threaten your wife or marriage. This is no small assignment. It requires a heart of courage and a head for preemptive action. Jesus said, “If the head of the house had known at what time of the night the thief was coming, he would have been on the alert and would not have allowed his house to be broken into” (Matthew 24:43). This role is yours. Take it seriously.


The Dare: "Remove anything that is hindering your relationship, any addiction or influence that’s stealing your affections and turning your heart away from your spouse."

The Outcome:  It's easy to get wrapped up in a good love story or movie. First thing that comes to mind for me? Edward and Bella. His desire and love for her could make you feel like you have butterflies in your stomach, and you're not even the one in love! I can feel the passion between them. I love those movies and I definitely will go out and see the new one, but I have to be careful with my heart. If I'm not watchful over it, my mind can wonder. I can start to put unrealistic expectations on Nathan."Why doesn't Nathan look at me like he wants to take a bite out of me? I wish he loved me like that," "I wish Nathan could throw me over his shoulder and run up the tallest tree to gaze out over the mountains." Really? Come on, Danielle.

I think one of the biggest challenges for me is protecting my heart. I am better at it now, because things have happened in my life that I never expected would. By not protecting and guarding my heart, other things came in. Things designed to pull me away from my husband. Things meant to destroy my relationship. It is so important to be open with God in your prayer life and really ask him to make known the things that might pull you away. Sometimes it's hard to spot the parasites until they're already attached, but if you are watchful and prayerful, God won't let your feet slip. That was the key ingredient, at the time, I was missing. I didn't stand guard over my heart or my relationship. My ears weren't open to hearing God's direction. It caused a lot of heartache that we are still recovering from. God has blessed us in many ways since then. Our marriage is stronger now than it ever has been. But God is looking to save you from those circumstances, if you only would consult Him. 


Day 23: SUCCESS

17 days and counting...

Day Twenty-Two: "Love is Faithful"

I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness. Then you will know the Lord. 

– Hosea 2:20

As Christians, love is the basis of our whole identity. Our love for each other is supposed to be how people distinguish us as Christ’s disciples (John 13:35). It is the root and ground of our existence (Ephesians 3:17), meant to be expressed with passion and fervency (1 Peter 4:8). It is a quality that we are to “abound” in more and more (1 Thessalonians 3:12), always getting better at it, becoming increasingly defined by it.

So if love is what we were created to share, what do you do when your love is rejected? How do you handle it when the one to whom you’ve pledged your life stops accepting the love you’re called to give?

The account of prophet Hosea is one of the most remarkable in the Bible. Against all logic and propriety, God instructed him to marry a prostitute. He wanted Hosea’s marriage to show what Heaven’s unconditional love looks like towards us. Hosea’s union with Gomer produced three children but, as expected, this woman who had long made her living in immorality was not content to stay faithful to one man. So Hosea was left to deal with a broken heart and the shame of abandonment.

He had loved her, but she had spurned his love. They had grown close, but now she had been disloyal and adulterous, rejecting him for the lust of total strangers.

Time passed, and God spoke to Hosea again. God told him to go and reaffirm his love for this woman who had been repeatedly unfaithful. This time she had reached a new low and had to be bought off the slave block, but Hosea paid the price for her redemption and bought her home. Yes, she had treated his love with contempt. She had dealt treacherously with his heart. But he welcomed her back into his life, expressing an unconditional love.

This is a true story, but it was used as a picture of God’s love for us. He showers His favor on us without measure, though in return we often don’t pay attention. At times we have acted shamefully and deemed His love an intrusion, as if it’s keeping us from what we really want. We have rejected Him in many ways – even after receiving His gift of eternal salvation – and yet He still loves us. He still remains faithful. In Him we have the model of what rejected love does. It stays faithful.

Jesus called us to this kind of love in the passage known as the Sermon on the Mount. He said to “love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you” (Luke 6:27-28).

From the vantage point of the wedding altar, you would never have dreamed that the person you married might later become to you a kind of "enemy," one you would need to love as an act of almost total sacrifice. And yet far too often in marriage, the relationship does indeed dwindle down to that level. Even to the point of betrayal or, sadly, to unfaithfulness.

For many, this is the beginning of the end. Some respond by rapidly moving toward a tragic divorce. Others, more protective of their reputation than even their own happiness, decide to keep the charade going. But they have no intention of liking it--much less of loving each other again.

If love is to be like His, it must love even when its overtures are returned unwanted. And for your love to be like that, it must be His love to begin with.You can give undeserved love to your spouse because God gave undeserved love to you--repeatedly, enduringly. Love is often expressed the most to those who deserve it the least.

The Dare: "Love is a choice, not a feeling. It is an initiated action, not a knee-jerk reaction. Choose today to be committed to love even if your spouse has lost most of their interest in receiving it. Say to them today in words similar to these, "I love you. Period. I choose to love you even if you don't love me in return."

The Outcome:  Loving someone who doesn't love you back? That goes against all logic in our minds. No one wants to be a doormat for a man to wipe their feet on. Especially when that man is the one who promised to love and cherish you for all of time. How about loving someone after they've gone outside your relationship? Moving on after they've done the unthinkable? These seem like impossible circumstances to endure, even more impossible to enjoy. And it's impossible to move passed without God's love pushing you along. When left to ourselves and our reasoning, things happen in our marriage that by all human standards say we should GET OUT! But, by God's standards, sometimes (and I repeat, sometimes) He asks us to stay in. Why? To torture us? To punish us for sins of our past? If you believe those are his reasons, you don't know God. God always has your best interest at heart. He always has a purpose for asking you to endure hardship. He always has a better plan in mind. 

Loving the unlovable, no matter what the reason, is a high calling. One of the most impossible ones. A calling in which you never look more like Jesus when you live it out. But when God asks you to live in a situation that seems overwhelming, he will give you the equipment you need, like a soldier in combat."And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus."

Nathan and I have endured many hardships throughout our seven years. Our love has been tested through some of the toughest waters. There have been times we have chosen to go our own way than God's. We lost focus on Him and the love on which we found each other. But God has a way of not letting go. Even when you are unfaithful to Him, He remains. His presence lingers over your lives until you decide to come back into relationship with Him. Some of our most tragic mistakes have taken place during the times we've chosen to ignore Him. I'm so thankful for a God that doesn't treat us based on what we deserve, but on who He is. A love that is faithful is available to all of us, and it only comes through God. It's free for the taking. But you have to be willing to accept it, keep it, and walk it out on a daily basis. 

Day 22: SUCCESS

18 days and counting...

Day Twenty-One: "Love is Satisfied in God"

"The Lord will continually guide you, and satisfy your desire." 

Isaiah 58:11

Day 20 was a vitally important day in the Love Dare – and in your life. You came face-to-face with the glaring need of every human heart. Whether this is new territory for you or if you’ve been a follower of Jesus for quite a while, now is the time for you to firm up one thing in your mind: you need God every single day. This is not a part-time proposition. He alone can satisfy, even when all else fails you.

Your husband may be late coming home. Again. But God will always be right on time.

Your wife may let you down. Again. But God can always be trusted to deliver on His promises.

Every day you place expectations on your spouse. Sometimes they meet them. Sometimes they don’t. But never will they be able to totally satisfy all the demands you ask of them – partly because some of your demands are unreasonable, partly because your mate is human.

God, however, is not. And those who approach Him in utter dependence each day for the real needs in their life are the ones who find out just how dependable He is.

There are needs in your life only God can fully satisfy. Though your husband or wife is able to complete some of these requirements – at least now and then – only God is able to do it all. Your need for love. Your need for acceptance. Your need for joy. It’s time to stop expecting somebody or something to keep your functioning and fulfilled on a non-stop basis. Only God can do that as you learn to depend on Him. But He wants to do it His way. “My God will supply all your need according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19).

The needs of love, peace, and adequacy are real. No one is saying you shouldn’t have them. But rather than plugging into things that are unstable at best and are subject to change – your health, your money, even the affections and best intentions of your mate – plug into God instead. He’s the only One in your life that can never change. His faithfulness, His truth, and His promises to His children will always remain. That’s why you need to seek Him every day.

Jesus once spoke to a woman at a Samaritan well, a woman who had tried getting her needs met through a string of failed relationships. With both her life and water bucket empty, she had come to this place broken and hardened yet still desperately in need. But in Christ she found what He called “living water” (John 4:10) – a supply that wasn’t just for quenching temporary thirst. What He offered her was a drink of soul satisfaction that never quits giving and refreshing. And that is what’s available to you each morning at sunrise and each night before bed, no matter who your spouse is what they’ve done to you.
      God is your everyday supply. Of everything you need.

The Dare: "Be intentional today about making time to pray and read your Bible. Try reading a chapter out of Proverbs each day (there are thirty-one – a full month’s supply), or reading a chapter in the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John).  As you do, immerse yourself in the love and promises God has for you.  This will add to your growth as you walk." 

The Outcome:  I will be the first to admit I expect a lot from Nate. If left unchecked, my expectations would far exceed anything humanly attainable. But what about the little things? Is it too much to ask for my husband to act like he is attracted to me? Would it be too demanding to ask that he hold my hand or open a door for me? Would it seem too "needy" to imply I'd like hand-delivered flowers once in a blue moon? 

These are all things we women would LIKE for our spouses to do. But is it reasonable, or even fair, to not only expect these things but require them in order for us to feel loved? And what if we take it a step farther and choose to only show them affection after they fulfill our demands. I'm speaking from personal experience. This was me. 

There was a point in our marriage that I decided I would no longer show my husband love because I didn't feel loved. After all, if my love bank was empty, I sure didn't have anything to give to him. It was his fault anyway for acting like I no longer exist. He didn't deserve my affection....or so I thought. The person I wound up hurting the most in the end was myself. I had an opportunity. I could've chosen to love him despite our circumstances. I could've taken things in my own hands and made our marriage better. I could've shown him unconditional love...but a vital component was missing. My relationship with God. Was God still in my heart? Sure. But we hadn't talked in a LONG time. Nor did I care to hear what he had to say about my situation.

In the past couple of days, we've learned that a love that stands the trials of life is unconditional. And it's also unattainable, unless you are first receiving it from God. If he is dormant in your life and in your heart, you aren't actively receiving that love. It's a love that has to be replenished every day. Through a prayer. Through His word. Through music. You have to keep the communication lines open to keep the love flowing. 


Day 21: SUCCESS

19 days and counting...

Day Twenty: "Love is Jesus Christ"

While we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. 

–Romans 5:6

The previous day and dare lead to no other conclusion that this. Thankfully, it’s a conclusion you can live with—today, tomorrow, and forever.

Jesus has come “to seek and to save” you (Luke 19:10). Everything you’ve failed at and haven’t been able to do, every minute you’ve wasted trying to fix things your own way—all of it can be forgiven and made right by putting your life into the hands of the One who first gave it to you. Maybe you’ve never done this. Then today is your day. 

The Bible says we are sinful from birth, from the moment we arrive. “Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin my mother conceived me” (Psalm 51:5). “All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous deeds are like a filthy garment” (Isaiah 64:6). It’s not as though God sends innocent people to hell.We deserve it. We simply can’t be good enough to live with a pure and holy God.

However, “God has sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him” (I John 4:9). “Although He existed in the form of god, [He] did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant…He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross” (Philippians 2:6-8). “He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, so that we might die to sin and live to righteousness; for by His wounds you were healed” (I Peter 2:24). By His death, He made invalid the very idea that you are unloved and devalued. If you ever feel that way, you’re not looking at the cross. He proved His love for you there.

Love like this cannot be fully understood. “One will hardly die for a righteous man; though perhaps for the good man someone would dare even to die. But God demonstrates His own love towards us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:7-8).

Nor can love like this be earned. “The wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 6:23). “For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast” (Ephesians 2:8-9).

But it must be received. “If you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved; for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation” (Romans 10:9-10).

And when you have received this new life and love as your own, you are free to love in ways you’ve never been capable before.

He was willing to love you even though you didn’t deserve it, even when you didn’t love back. He was able to see all your flaws and imperfections and still choose to love you. His love made the greatest sacrifice to meet your greatest need. As a result, you are able (by His grace) to walk in the fullness and blessing of His love. Now and forever.

This means you now share this same love with your spouse. You can love even when you’re not love in return. You can see all their flaws and imperfections and still choose to love. And though you can’t meet their needs the way God can, you can become His instrument to meet the needs of your spouse. As result, he or she can walk in the fullness and blessing of your love. Now and till death.

True love is found in Christ alone.  And after you have received His gift of new life by accepting His death in your place and His forgiveness for your sins, you are finally ready to live the dare.

The Dare: "Dare to take God at His Word.  Dare to trust Jesus Christ for salvation.  Dare to pray “Lord Jesus, I’m a sinner.  But You have shown Your love for me by dying to forgive my sins, and You have proven Your power to save me from death by Your resurrection.  Lord, change my heart, and save me by Your grace.” 

The Outcome: I accepted Christ into my heart when I was seven years old. That was twenty years ago. He came into my life and never left me. But, I left him. Or so I thought. Many times throughout those twenty years, I left him sitting in the deep corners of my heart. He was definitely not my number one priority at those moments. I couldn't enjoy experimenting with drugs with him in the forefront of my heart. I couldn't let him have a front-row view of that! I couldn't allow him to witness me losing my virginity! How embarrassing. I conveniently pushed him aside to sit in the corner while I had my night of fun. In the morning, I'd slide him back over and give him a better view of what was going on. It was for his own good. After all, it might hurt him if he sees me doing the things he came to save me from. 

Sounds silly, huh? Maybe even childish. When we get honest though, we live that way sometimes. We makes choices to engage in things we know God would have us walk away from. Getting drunk and making a fool of ourselves. Loosing control during an argument and lashing your spouse with your words. What about the deep stuff? Adultery. Pornography. Drugs. The stuff people pretend don't exist and then gasp when they see it happen to someone else, as if they've never gotten their hands dirty.

"I can push God away long enough to get wasted tonight and sleep around."

"Maybe God is busy with other people long enough for me to look at this pornography."

"God won't mind me taking a hit, or fifty, off this joint...after all, he wants my mind to be at ease."

As a Christian, the hardest thing you'll ever do is willingly sin. At least at first, until you silence his voice enough to where you barely hear it anymore, let alone feel His presence in your heart. That's an awful place to be. I've been there. The worse part about it? He will come back. You will come to a point where it catches up to you, where you hear that gentle knock on your heart again, "Danielle, can I please come back into the center? It's awfully dark in this corner. I already know what happened. I already know what you did. Now, can I move back in so we can fix this?"

God is bigger than the walls of your heart. He sees everything. He knows everything. He knew before He died for you what mistakes you were going to make, how many times you would try and replace Him, and how many times you would come back. He did it for the times He knew you would return. Even if you gave him a backseat in your life for years, He gave His life for that one time you would return. Because that ONE time you come back, reeeeeallly come back, means a difference of life or death...forever. 

 Day Twenty: SUCCESS

Half way there...

Day Nineteen: "Love is Impossible"

Let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. 

–I John 4:7

The Love Dare starts with a secret. And though it’s been an unspoken element throughout each day, you’ve likely grown more and more suspicious of it all the time. Now that you’re this far, it’s a secret you’re discovering for yourself, even if you haven’t exactly known how to put it into words.

The secret is this: you cannot manufacture unconditional love (or agape love) out of your own heart. It’s impossible. It’s beyond your capabilities. It’s beyond all our capabilities.
You may have demonstrated kindness and unselfishness in some form, and you may have learned to be more thoughtful and considerate. But sincerely loving someone unselfishly and unconditionally is another matter altogether.

So how can you do it? Like it or not, agape love isn’t something you can do. It’s something only God can do. But because of His great love for you—and His love for your spouse—He chooses to express His love through you.

Still, you may not believe that. You may be convinced that with enough hard work and commitment, you can muster up unconditional, long-term, sacrificial love from your own heart. You want to believe it’s in you. But how many times has your love failed to keep you from lying, from lusting, from overreacting, from thinking evil of this person you’ve vowed before God to love for the rest of your life.

How many times has your love proven incapable of controlling your anger? How many times has your love motivated you to forgive or brought about a peaceable end to an ongoing argument? It’s this failure that exposes mankind’s sinful condition. 

You can’t give what you don’t have. You can’t call up inner reserves and resources that aren’t there to be summoned. In the same way that you can’t give away a million dollars if you don’t have it to start with, you cannot pay out love in greater measure than you own. You can try, but you will fail.You need someone who can give you that kind of love.

When you surrender yourself to Christ, His power can work through you. Even at your very best, you are not able to live up to God’s standards. But He “is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us” (Ephesians 3:20). That’s how you love your spouse.

Perhaps you’re already a believer, but you would admit that you have walked away from fellowship with God. You’re not in the Word, you’re not in prayer, maybe you’re not even in church anymore. The love you used to feel coursing through your veins has dwindled into apathy.The truth is, you can’t live without Him and you can’t love without Him. But there is no telling what He could do in your marriage if you put your trust in Him.

The Dare: "Look back over the dares from the previous days. Were there some that seemed impossible to you? Have you realized your need for God to change your heart and to give you the ability to love? Ask Him to show you where you stand with Him, and ask for the strength and grace to settle your eternal destination. What do you believe God is saying to you? Is there a stirring in your heart? What decision have you made in response to this?"

The Outcome: ""Day Two and Counting..." was by far the toughest couple of days for me. I am a very, most times OVERLY opinionated person. To ask me to keep positive or say nothing at all is like asking me to sit in a pot of boiling water and not jump out. It's just not logical to me. Even though that dare was only for the day, I know the concept is supposed to be forever. I know it's in the best interest of my marriage to follow it. I also know, without God's inner voice telling me to 'Shut up!', I would screw up a lot more than I normally would. I am thankful for His presence in my life and my marriage. Do I always listen? No. Would it save me an argument or two if I DID listen? You bet. 

This day was interesting to me because it really makes you think about the days you've completed and how surface-based they were. Sure, I can fold some clothes or make a lunch for Nathan. I can definitely keep my mouth shut for a day. I can vow to fight by the rules. I can strive to not irritate him for 24 hours. But can I keep that up for a lifetime? If I'm being honest, I'm going to say no. I can't keep all these rules and guidelines every second of my day. I'm not going to feel like making his lunch every day of the week. 

It's the same with God. I can't live up to his standard of "good." I can't go my whole life and not slip up. That's where grace comes in:

G.od's 

R.iches 

A.t 

C.hrist's 

E.xpense

Because Jesus died on the cross for me, I now have God's power in my hands. I now have the choice to tap in to his resources for love. I can finally love Nathan the way I'm supposed to...if I daily yield myself, and my stubborn will to him.

Day Eighteen: "Love Seeks to Understand"

"How blessed is the man who finds wisdom, and the man who gains understanding."

 – Proverbs 3:13

"When a man is trying to win the heart of a woman, he studies her. He learns her likes, dislikes, habits, and hobbies. But after he wins her heart and marries her, he often stops learning about her. The mystery and challenge of knowing her seems less intriguing, and he finds his interests drifting to other areas.

This is also true in many cases for women, who start off admiring and building respect for the man they desire to be with. But after marriage, those feelings begin to fade as reality reveals that her “prince” is a flawed and imperfect man.

Yet there are still hidden things to discover about your spouse. And this understanding will help draw you closer together. It can even give you favor in the eyes of your mate. “Good understanding produces favor” (Proverbs 13:15).

Consider the following perspective: if the amount you studied your spouse before marriage were equal to a high school diploma, then you should continue to learn about your mate until you gain a “college degree,” a “master’s degree,” and ultimately a “doctorate degree.” Think of it as a lifelong journey that draws your heart ever closer to your mate.

Some of the problems you have in relating to your spouse are simply because you don’t understand them. They probably react very differently to certain situations than you do, and you can’t figure out why?

These differences – even the ones that are relatively insignificant – can be the cause of many fights and conflicts in your marriage. That’s because, as the Bible says, we tend to “revile” those things we don’t understand (Jude 10).

There are reasons for his or her tastes and preferences. Each nuance in your spouse’s character has a back story. Each element of who he is, how he thinks, and what he’s like is couched in a set of guiding principles, which often makes sense only to the person who holds them. But it’s worth the time it will take to study why they are the way they are.

If you missed the level of intimacy you once shared with your spouse, one of the best ways to unlock their heart again is by making a commitment to know them. Study them. Read them like a book you’re trying to understand."

The Dare: "Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the two of you. The dinner can be as nice as you prefer. Focus this time on getting to know your spouse better, perhaps in areas you’ve rarely talked about. Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your mate."

The Outcome: I struggled with this dare. We couldn't exactly have a "just the two of you" dinner on a weeknight when we have our son. I debated whether to hold this dare until the weekend where we could be alone, or include Owen because he is a part of us. I decided to include the little munchkin and I'm glad I did. He helped me get the table ready with candles and thought Daddy would very much enjoy our Perry the Platypus-carved pumpkin as the centerpiece. Why not?! We got the table set and decided to call in Nathan's favorite meal: Japanese. He could be in the worst mood ever but you throw some fried rice and white sauce his way, he's all smiles. 

We go out, pick up the food and rush home before Nathan gets there. I get the plates all ready, complete with Nate's mound of fried rice swimming in white sauce, and a nice cold Coors Light (his ultimate "unwind" meal)...complete with disposable plates. Owen decides this should be a surprise so we hide behind the counter when we hear the garage door opening. As we are sitting, giggling at how surprised Daddy will be, Owen says, "Mommy, since we have candles we should sing 'Happy Birthday' to Daddy!" Once again, why not?! We already have Perry the Platypus joining us for dinner, what's a little birthday jingle going to hurt? Daddy walks in and is so surprised. We sing 'Happy Birthday', blow out the candles (duh...that's what you do at parties), and eat in the dark. 

It was a perfectly imperfect dinner with our family...and I wouldn't have had it any other way.